Sunday, 30 September 2012

Nigel’s Muses ….

If people from Poland are called 'Poles' ……
016…… why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'

Saturday, 29 September 2012

Pest Problem At The Molineux?

Thomas Cook Holidays WolverhamptonI go past our beloved Molineux every morning on my way to work on the Codsall Clipper …. and my heart never fails to swell with pride.
But I have seen something now, for several mornings in a row,  that has worried me robustly …..
Natures Way Pest ControlFrom the my seat on the bus, the van on the right looked just any other small white van ….. but when I got the zoom on my camera out (discretely, so as not to arouse suspicion) something more ominous was revealed ….
Pest Control at WolvesAt first I was alarmed  ….. in my wild imaginings I thought that perhaps the Molineux had somehow become infested and awash with birds of prey like eagles, buzzards, kestrels and hawks, and that the Wolves management had brought the pest people in to prevent any unfortunate swopping activity on any of our key players like Elokobi or Craddock during a match.  Then I saw sense and relaxed …… and realised that the birds were there to eat any mice or voles that might stray onto the ground and scare the players ……. phew!

Friday, 28 September 2012

Arise Sir Lord Vinnie, Or - When Vinnie Went To Clarence House …….

Vinnie meets camillaIt’s taken a while for us to get hold of the official photos taken of when Vinnie and Auntie Jan went to Clarence House for a special reception for some of the volunteers and performers who were part of  the London 201 Olympic Games. …… They weren’t allowed to take pictures of their own, no doubt for reasons of robust national security  and we think, the prevention of rogue pictures of Prince Charles’s ringed copy of The Radio Times (highlighting the programmes he wants to watch) and Camilla’s knitting and Malteser stash (hidden surreptitiously behind a cushion) being published on the internet.
Reception at Clarence House Vinnie said he was very nervous in “a waiting to meet royalty type nature”, so, to be honest,  the smoked salmon and roast beef and horseradish comestible canap├ęs he was offered  got a little stuck in his throat ….. and he was also frightened to have a drink for fearing that he may have to ask the butler or a footman where he could “avail” himself of a wee.
Vinnie and CamillaHowever, when his turn came to be presented, he said he stood erect and then bowed very deeply ….. He said that Camilla was LOVELY and smaller than he thought she would be …. and she held his hand for far longer than he had expected, and said that he was “Adorable!” Royalty don’t usually touch “common people”,  but Camilla had a good look at his accreditation and all of his badges …… Vinnie said he was quite giddy when she had finished!
Auntie Jan and CamillaIt was a most wonderful occasion, Auntie Jan and Vinnie don’t have a clue how they came to be invited, but are just very glad that they were, …. they embraced and squeezed the occasion for all it was worth …. because it’s something that will probably never happen to them again……

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Nigel Claims His Free Pizza From Pizzarelli’s Pizzeria …..

You’ll remember a couple of weeks ago when Pizzarelli’s Pizzeria opened in our village and Nigel was so very excited that he had managed to memorise the extensive menu in anticipation of his first visit ……
Pizzarelli's Bilbrook….. and then the new owners read our post and offered Nigel a free pizza if/when he popped in to see them…… he was beside himself …
Pizzerelli's Pizzeria Bilbrook…… but  though excited Nigel was unusually shy about going in, so in the end Darrell agreed to go with him …. especially as the smell emanating from the shop had been driving him mad every time he went past!Pizzarelli's. BilbrookAnd so, after some very robust debate and animated discussion, Darrell and Nigel eventually decided that their Pizzarelli pizza of choice would be a 12” Meat Feast.
Bilbrook Pizzarelli's….. and then, all they had to do was settle down and watch (and smell)  their Meat Feast being prepared.
Pizzerelli's Bilbrook..Nigel’s could hardly contain his excitement  as Nav expertly cut the pizza up and put it in a box ….
compressed….. and after many “Thank you’s” Darrell and Nigel finally arrived home with “Nigel’s pizza”
Pizzarelli's pizzaIt looked and smelled amazing, and at first all we could do was stare at it, it was sooooooooo wondrous.
Pizzarelli's pizza meat feast BilbrookAnd then we agreed that Nigel should take the very first bite …OMG ……
Pizzarelli's Pizza nom nom nomNothing was said by any of us for the next twenty or so minutes, save for little happy nomming noises ……. nom, nom, nom ……. Pizzarelli’s pizza’s have blown our scale of nomming through the roof!  THANK YOU PIZZARELLI’S PIZZARIA ……. we shall be back!

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Lost In The Moment …

over the rainbowSomewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
wishing on a rainbowSomewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
monkey and rainbowSomeday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
rainbow skySomewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
somewhere over the rainbowIf happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
The most wonderful thing about Nigel is that he never fails to see the true magic that’s all around him.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Great British Bake Off …. Eat Your Heart Out ….

016Yesterday, Nigel’s robustly attuned olfactory perception temporarily lured him away from his duties with Cook in the school kitchen counting wooden ice cream spoons and lead him instead into the Food Technology Room where the girls were making Swiss Rolls……
swiss roll tinIt was another one of Nigel’s many awe and wonder experiences …..
Robbie Williams baby…. where he is totally overwhelmed by the breath taking activities that are going on around him.Rolling a swiss rollWhen one of the young ladies asked if he would like to assist her in the rolling of her Swiss Roll Nigel was beside himself, so much so that he could only nod his afirmative response like an over enthusiastic puppy!
gREAT bRITISH bAKE OFF SWISS ROLL….. With eyes as big as saucers ….. and listening with all due diligence, Nigel rolled the cooked sponge with a hand so deft, it was sheer poetry to watch.  The teacher, on seeing his efforts said that Nigel “….. showed a natural aptitude for the art of Swiss Roll rolling”  and added that his “lightness of touch was indeed perfection!”
GREAT bRITISH BAKE OFFNigel’s help was thus generously rewarded … with several slices of traditional Swiss comestible ….
013….. plus all the sponge trimmings that were left over ….
Mr Kipling Swiss roll…. perhaps Nigel has a talent that we should exploit encourage further … and consider entering him in the next years Great British Bake Off ….. Paul Hollywood had better look out me thinks!

Monday, 24 September 2012

Savoury Spread Of Our Desire –Marmite Gold

We have set Auntie Jan a retail mission of great import ………
Marmite-Marmite-Gold-Jar-250g-Limited-EditionWe have been very remiss in only just finding out that Marmite is 110 years old this year  …. and as such has produced a limited edition jar of our very favourite savoury spread of choice which contains real edible gold flecks!!!!!  We were sooooooooo robustly excited at this news that this morning  that we could hardly spread our normal marmite on our breakfast toast without shaking …..
Marmite Gold For us Marmite is magical enough without the addition of twinkly gold bits….. and so we have decided that, if Auntie Jan is able to obtain a jar for us, we shall put it away safe so that it can play a mahoooosive part in our Yuletide celebrations in but 13 weeks (but who’s counting?!!!). Just imagine how wondrously our toast will sparkle on Christmas morn ….. it’s an idea almost tooooooooo festively delicious to bear!
This is what we have found out about the availability of Marmite Gold thus far  …..
“Marmite Gold will available in ASDA and online at www.marmiteshop.co.uk from 9th September, Sainsbury’s from 10th September and rolling out across Tesco, Waitrose and Morrisons from 1st October and has an RRP of £3.99 (250g jar).
queue for Marmite GoldWe are hoping that Auntie Jan will be able to secure a prime position at the front of a queue outside of one of the aforementioned supermarkets before the “Gold Rush” begins and have as such provided her with a deckchair, blanket and flask for her comfort during her endeavours on our behalf!

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Continuity Controversy … We Present You With The Inscrutable Evidence ….

Yesterday we had a couple of comments that appeared to highlight the apparent lapse our usually impeccable continuity,  in which it appeared that Darrell had changed his shirt mid post! This aforementioned apparent lapse would indicate that a certain laissez-faite attitude had crept into our blogging …. which filled us with an unbridled and robust sense of horror …..

Continuity ControversySo we feel that we should take this opportunity to point out that in the first picture of yesterdays post, it was Monkey who was looking in despair at Darrell's drying toupee on the line followed by subsequent pictures, of Darrell checking on the progress of his drying!
001However,  we suspect that this very simple explanation may not satisfy the more probing and observant  of our followers, who might still be saying “Nah, they are just using a pretty lame excuse of mistaken identity to cover up a blatant (and for them surprising) error in their continuity!”….. so we have decided to go one step further in an effort to exonerate ourselves with the use of quite intrusive photographic evidence pointing to three of the key identification marks that characterise the difference in our personage ….
forensic EvidencePicture No. 1 –  notice that we are both wearing the same shirts as we did in the garden ….
001 - Copy (2)Picture No. 2  - your  attention should be drawn to the unsightly skin tags on Darrell’s left ear …..
small hole to headPicture No. 3 – points out a small but non life threatening orifice hole in Monkeys scalp which could easily be put right with a small procedure if he so wished, but as it doesn’t really bother him, he has not sought any surgical intervention … yet!
dodgy seamPicture No. 4 -  finally Monkey also has a very distinctive  and uneven line running up the back of his head, he was to quote Sir Lady Gaga “born this way” , and as such embraces it as part of what makes him …. him!
Mums MonkeySo, we hope we have vindicated ourselves and our “perceived” error …. by opening ourselves up to a close and candid physical scrutiny, hitherto unseen on this blog before.  In turn we have come to realise that we cannot afford to be in any way lax or shoddy in our presentation as it will undoubtedly be spotted and our reputation for high standards called into question and/or be potentially besmirched  …. which for us would be sooooooooooooo shameful!

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Hung Out To Dry ….

syrup of figsI went out into the garden yesterday to find that Darrell had washed and hung out his wig toupee hair out to dry …
hanging out to dry……. at times the things that go on at Chateau Castle Greyskull render me a “little” stuck to find the appropriate wordage  ….. other than ….
Hanging wig out to dry…… good grief, what is he like?

Friday, 21 September 2012

A Robust Interview Process

As you know Nigel and Darrell have now found new roles in our beloved school since the introduction of the new surgically enhanced photocopiers made our well honed skills in the rush photocopying department surplus to requirement!  I shall not dwell on the matter,  as it still cuts very deeply but as Freddie Mercury would oft warble “The Show Must Go On!”checking timeSo when the delightful and very on trend Mrs Wood came to me and said she needed a new Food Technician my heart fair sang …. She said that after all the voluntary food evaluation I had done to help the GCSE girls with last year, she thought see my interest in the culinary arts could be of great beneficial benefit to the Food Department on a permanent basis!  
chopped bananasHowever, before she could say that the job was definitely mine I would have to show her that I was competent in the kitchen and had the practical skills to help the girls and for that she set me the task of finding an upside down cake recipe that I should then modify to accomodate the tastes of the ladies who work in the office, taking into consideration their predilection for all things of a chocolate type nature.
mashed bananaI set about my task with all due diligence, choosing a caramel and banana upside down cake and then adapting it to my brief with the addition a packet of Cadbury chocolate buttons with which to hopefully satisfy the aforementioned Office Ladies!
Upside down banana cakeIt didn’t take me too long, and trying to go the extra mile (or extra half pound as we cooks like to say) I also substituted the caster sugar for soft brown sugar and yoghurt and a little lemon juice for the sour cream in the recipe (see below), however I have to admit to having some “pre oven anxieties”  as I put it in to bake.
anxious oven momentsHowever, I tried to ignore my culinary angst by cleaning down my surfaces and getting my washing up done and put away, hoping to prove further my efficiency and suitability for the position.
Great British Bake Off….. Forty minutes later my destiny was cooked!
Banana upside down cake.The delightful Mrs Wood then asked me to cut a substantial portion for herself and then take all the ladies a slightly smaller slice for their delectation. She would then go round in turn to them all and ask for their evaluation of my work ….. and then get back to me …. the knot in my stomach is almost too much to bear.