Sorry, I May Have To Disappoint You Today ……

Yes, I did meet Ross Noble, but alas, there is no photo of our meeting.  I was in Aunty Jan’s backpack and as there was quite a crowd outside the Stage Door, Mr Noble’s bodyguard felt that I would be far safer where I was. 

However, when Aunty Jan asked for Mr Noble to sign my memento of the night, he asked who it was for and Aunty Jan pointed to me and explained my quest and adulation.

 

I shall treasure that moment forever.
I could hardly contain my excitement as I waited for Mr Noble to come on stage, I even declined Kiora orange.

To Monkey, Ross Noble

(he didn’t actually put the comma in, I’ve just added it to be grammatically correct)

Tales and Adventures in London Town - Man of Silver

Bare with me.  I am still jet lagged from my trip to London and I am still sorting out my pictures.

This is a strange gentleman.  As soon as he saw me, he recognised me, as he was stood standing on his upturned bin and insisted he had a photo taken with me.  I think he is saying “ I can’t believe it, me, with Monkey!” – just look at the disbelief on his face!

As I am fast approaching my 1,000th blog visitor I suppose I will have to get used to a little recognition when I am out. 

NEWS FLASH!

Its late Sunday night, I am exhausted. YES I MET MR NOBLE!!!  And he signed the page in Lucys scrapbook saying "Sign here Mr Noble"

However ..... as Mum was in Brixham, while I was in London, we have yet to exchange photos and experiences - so I am afraid you will have to steel yourselves a little longer for photographs etc.  So sorry....

I shall be glued to the telly tomorrow night (Monday) as his new documentary about Australia is on Channel 5.

Oh Dear …..

All those sweeties off Linda and those gorgeous Krispy Kreme Doughnuts you can get in London have taken their toll.  I am now on a diet! I am looking for one of those weight loss widget things so I can keep a record of what weight I loose. Oh dear, I thought my jeans were getting tight!

The nearest Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop to me is in Selfridges in B’ham, this is perhaps a blessing in disguise as I am extremely partial to them, especially the chocolate iced custard filled and glazed raspberry filled.

Alas, I fear, they will not pass my lips for a while.

Probe Monkey A Bit More

While I am away in London, I have put together two more questions and answers so that my visitors don't miss out on a days blogging .....
Troubled, puzzled or just plain nosey …. Monkey will have the answer…
Peter from Middlesex, 25, married to Julie, 2 kids, postman. “I am sending you a picture of my foot Monkey, do you think I’ve got a fungal infection?”

You foot looks perfectly healthy to me Peter, nothing to worry about, just try to dry between your toes after bathing or showering, and don’t share towels.
Ross from Andover, 34, divorced “X Factor or Strictly Monkey?”

X Factor every time for me Ross, but I record Strictly to watch later in the evening.

Sweeties off Linda

When I told my lovely friend Linda that I was going to see my idol Ross Noble in London this weekend, she was as excited as I am, because she likes him too. She bought me some sweeties to eat on the the journey, flying saucers and foam bananas.  I am so lucky. 

Linda must have spent a lot of time deciding what sweeties I would like to suck on the train, she is very thoughtful like that.

Getting Ready for My Trip to London

I am getting excited about going to London this weekend with Aunty Jan and Lucy and hopefully meeting my hero Ross Noble.
There is so much to do!  I spent last night sorting out what clothes to take, doing the laundry and then the ironing.

Monkey Answers Back

Angie asks "Is there a special person in my life?"
Yes Angie there is, we have been together for two years now, we met through E-bay, no doubt she will feature in the future, but she is has rather a shy nature.
Julia asks " Who is your tailor?" I don’t have a tattoo Carmen,  my skin is too woolly.  If I could, I would have “Mum” over my heart.
Sarah from London wonders - If you could replace any actor as the lead in a film, who would it be and which film? And why?
Without hesitation, Hugh Grant in Notting Hill because I am a hopeless romantic and a lot of people comment on how similar Hugh and I are in our mannerisms.

Today’s best question was asked by Carmen.  If you would like to e-mail me your address Carmen I will send you a little Monkey sweetie bag.

Probe Monkey.

I thought it would be nice for me to get to know my visitors a little better and for them to get to know me better too.

So if you would like to know anything about me, my life, my loves etc. ask away …..

Also,  if you have any personal problem I could help you with, why not share it with me, after all a problem shared is a problem solved, n’est pas?

Just add your question to the comment boxes and I will answer them as openly and honestly as I can.

To start the ball rolling I have had this question from Phyllis in Rotherham

“Monkey, which three toppings would you choose to have on your perfect pizza?”

Thank you Phyllis for your question, for me, it would have to be pepperoni,  mushrooms and anchovies, yum yum!

Martin from Liverpool asks:-

“How can we improve public transport in Liverpool?  I understand you have Banga buses in some areas of Wolverhampton, would George consider bringing his bus here?”

If George changed his bus route to encompass Liverpool, there would be uproar in Codsall/Bilbrook.  However I have spoken to him and he will e-mail you with his recommendations on improving the bus services in Merseyside.

Exciting Things That Fall Off Trees - Conkers

Don’t you just love Autumn?  It’s so exciting because of all the things that drop off trees…. especially conkers!
This is my Kinga.  I’ve soaked it in vinegar so its very tough and put a real shoe lace through it.  Its BRILLIANT.
I went round the park, round the back, and ferrtled amongst the fallen leaves under the big conker tree, and there it was, woo hoo.
I have to admit to being a bit confused between conkers and horse chestnuts.  I think you can eat one and the other is deadly poisonous , but I don’t know which, so I am not going to eat either of them.

In answer to Sarah's question in comments
A kinga is a winning conker, call it a oner, sixer, tenner etc = number of other conkers beaten.

Garden Ornaments

There are garden ornaments and garden ornaments. I thought you would like to see what I have in my garden ……….

The obligatory garden gnome.

A pair of wooden penguins from Penkridge Market
And an assortment of wooden fish ….

“Monkey, Monkey, kinda hunky,

How does your garden grow?

With a cute fat gnome

And penguins quite at home

And dangling fish in a row, ho ho

and dangling fish in a row.”

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ahoy there me hearties……….. yesterday twas Talk Like a Pirate Day ….. unfortunately I took it far to far and “Behaved like a Pirate” too
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum, Jim Lad, begorra, begorra, begorra (ooops I think that’s an Irish pirate slipping in”
Anyway my head hurts …….. and I would like to be left alone as “me mainbrace has been well and truly spliced and I feel like the son of a biscuit eater.
Woo ho ho is me!

Pickled Onions & Saturday Mornings ……

I had a late night last night ,….. I pickled my onions, ready for the Festive Season.  One of my most favourite meals ever is,  by tradition, my tea every 27th December, when I always have cold turkey, real chips (not those oven things) and pickled onions.  Life doesn’t get much better than that!

However pleasure seems to go hand in hand with pain, especially where pickled onions are concerned. My eyes are very sore, as is my peeling finger and my hands have the distinct whiff of the pungent vegetable

My recipe is simple, small onions, soft brown sugar and malt vinegar!

This morning I woke early to another of life’s pleasure, a cup of tea in bed, Radio 4 on the radio,  thinking of the weekend ahead ……… shopping, a bit of baking, X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing, and the footie at the Molineux tomorrow!

WARNING - This Post Contains Pictures of Male Nudity.

I’m not very keen on spiders and daddy long legs and, with the autumn nights upon us,  I have noticed that these creatures are venturing into the house, especially in the evenings and especially in my bathroom. Some of them are MASSIVE and they seem to just lurk there  ………….. motionless ……… waiting ………… giving me the eeeeebbbbbbby jebbbbbbbies

I have to make sure that my bath is a creepy crawly free zone before I can bathe.  The thought of daddy longs legs legs in amongst my bath time bubbles brings me out in goosebumps.

Once I am sure there is nothing skulking, I get those taps running and the Johnson’s baby bath foaming…….

Brum, Brum ……

I don’t always use the Banga Bus to get around, I’ve got this as well!

It’s a bit of a babe magnet, in fact it’s what how I met my intended. 

One day I left the bike parked outside the local Spar, while I nipped in for a Pukka pie and a scratch card. Unfortunately as she walked past, her handbag strap caught on the handle bar, yanking her rather forcefully backwards.  She was disentangling herself from the chrome work as I returned, pie and card in hand…………..

………………  our eyes met, I apologised for my protuberance, and we have been together ever since.

Waste Not, Want Not ……..

Today I went to SCARF, a Resource Centre in Wolverhampton, (on the Banga bus) to see if I could find any useful stuff to make things with ……

You never know what you’re going to find …. its just piles of tat, from floor to ceiling, but with a bit of imagination you can turn that tat into erm…………. treasure!

Like this clock for 20p

or these gymkhana rosettes for 25p and knicker elastic at 10p a metre.

 

I was a bit flummoxed by the blue rubbix cubes ……….


And as for this basket of plastic red cabbages and glass milk bottles …….

BUT THIS WAS MY BEST BUY ………………………………….  wait for it ……


I got a seagull!


How brilliant is that? 
Bet SCARF will be inundated with people wanting to buy seagulls!

The Banga Bus Is Great!

In the village where I live we have one bus an hour, except between 2.00 and 3.00 when it’s the bus drivers dinner time. (we don’t have a bus on Saturday or Sunday , so it’s best to get all your shopping done in the week).

It’s dead cheap and we all LOVE George our driver! 

We did have a miserable driver for a while, everyone called him “Smiler”, because he didn’t, and he used to use his brake in a very malicious way!

I get the 7.45am bus – if I use my West Midlands Travel Card it’s 50p into Wolverhampton.

                                      Ding Ding!

Sometimes, because it’s a village bus you hear all the good gossip!

What A Beautiful September Day

What a beautiful September day. When I woke up this morning there was an autumnal mist hanging low in the garden, but it  soon disappeared, and was replaced by glorious golden sunshine, with a crisp bite in the air.

I made a cup of coffee (in my Lingga mug) and just sat, thinking about ‘stuff’, wearing my new waistcoat, which has lots of little pockets for my bits and pieces.

As they say in Hello Magazine, I felt blessed (by the wonderful weather, and my many pocketed waistcoat)

I’ve Been Shopping

I have noticed that the nights are drawing in, it’s almost dark when Coronation Street finishes at 8 o’clock and I have also felt a distinct nip in the air.

I am a martyr to the cold, so I decided to nip into town and get some warm clothes before the cold weather really kicks in.

I am dead chuffed with my shopping, I got one of those dead trendy hats with the flaps that keep your ears warm and I can hardly contain my delight because it came with matching mittens. The mittens are extra special because they don’t have any fingers or a thumb, which is brilliant for me as I only have stumpy hands.

I did see some very lovely silver lame converse type boots in Primark …… but I am thinking about them.

Do I Have The X Factor?

Response to my busking in London was a tadge disappointing,  but, I was slightly hampered by being so close to the ground. It was really hard to make my voice heard above the London brouhaha. 

I did chalk “Bend Down” next to me, in an effort to get people close enough to hear my vocals.

The reason behind all this effort was to gauge public response to my singing before taking the plunge and trying for X Factor!

I sang Hero, but I don’t really know many of the words, so I hummed and la,la la’ed to fill in the gaps.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back into your bed ………

Usually, when I return to my hotel suite after sightseeing, shopping,  etc., I am greeted by my pyjamas being neatly folded, perhaps a chocolate on my pillow, or  the replenishment of my hospitality tray - tea, coffee, milk and a complimentary rich tea finger …………



But, on this trip they certainly pulled out the all the stops when it came to folding my towels, I never knew quite what I would find on my bed!  

What Would Mary Poppins Say?

I am sure that you cannot help but notice the wistful thoughtfulness of this picture. I was taking a contemplative moment to mourn the demise of the pigeons in Trafalgar Square. 

If I had posed for this picture ten or so years ago I would surely have had several pigeons perched on my head, a bit of poop on my shoulder perhaps and I would be clutching small cup of grain that I had purchased for a few pence from the pigeon food vendor.  Alas no more!

“Feed the birds, tuppence a bag, tuppence, tuppence, tuppence, a bag” rings hollow in my ears ….

What would Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke make of it all?

What lingering memory will the gentleman with the white carrier bag, eating his sandwiches as he leans against the great fountains  take back of London? Certainly not one of being surrounded by pigeons and the sound of their flapping wings filling the air.

I’ve Been Part of History!

My apologies for not posting for a day or two but I’ve been away in London.  Last Friday, between 01.00 and 2:00 I was on The Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square as part of One and Other.

What can I say? Words seldom fail me, but I am afraid this time I am, erm….. a tadge overwhelmed….

I had hoped that Clive Anderson would make mention of me on his Sky Arts show, but this week I think there had been a spate of unseemly nakedness from some of the Plinthers (as we are called).  Believe me “my little man” knows where to stay – and anyway it was very parky up there!

I was with Jan, she is my sort of Auntie, and a “Wannabe Olympic Volunteer!