Britain’s Got Talent Final

Do you know, if me and Darrell got our act together, we could be the next Ant and Dec!

I must apologise for being a little overly occupied with the World Cup, resulting in the regretful neglect  of  my critique of this years Britain’s Got Talent  …. however there is no question of what I will be watching tonight, after my tea.

I think Amanda has worn some stunning frocks this week, but Simon’s hair and plunging neckline have perturbed me,  Piers is Ok, but he hasn’t worn any stunning frocks or opened the top four buttons of his shirt, so he has just sort of blended in.

My favourites acts are the Harry Hill comedian and Shake and Vac, but as Ant and Dec would say “It’s down to the public vote” 

I shall have one text vote …… I will use it wisely, I have the Queen’s tastes to consider and the Duke of Edinburgh's, if he goes with her.  She would probably like the dancing dog and perhaps wish that her corgis could do a similar turn ……   how brilliant would it be if she and the corgis entertained her Ambassadors and Heads of State after a banquet with a little dance routine?

Things I Find Difficult to Eat

Lindt chocolate golf balls are not  the easiest things to eat, especially as  I think they are actual size. When unwrapped, although there is a joint, they are impossible to split in half to consume.

But they are too big to pop in your mouth in one go and too hard to delicately bite into, its a great quandary.

I wonder if I should write to Lindt and ask how I should approach eating mine, before they go stale.

Technorati Tags: Lindt chocolate golf balls,monkey,how to eat,quandary

Our World Cup Team is Chosen …

Fabio must be relieved now that he has picked his final World Cup team. Me and Darrell are dead chuffed and have tried phone TalkSPORT to say so, but so far we haven’t got through.

I expect all our valiant players are now dead excited about going to get their posh team uniform from the tailors. I wonder if the tailor makes a job lot and then the players have to see what fits who best ….. anyway I bet they will all look very smart.

I also wonder who will book the plane tickets to South Africa, I hope they haven’t left it too late, I bet the airlines are pretty booked up by now. I also wonder if the players fight for the seat near the window?

My World Cup preparation also continues to gather pace, Aunty Jan bought me and Darrell some face paints ………..

What do you think?

A Dove From Above

Gran has a dove staying at her house at the moment.  Uncle Andrew nursed him back to health when he was abandoned when he was very young. He is very tame and likes to fly round the house or sit on Uncle Andrew’s shoulder or head.

His name is Budge and thinks Uncle Andrew is his mum, I am not sure if Uncle Andrew fed him with worms from his mouth to encourage him to eat when he was a fledgling , I must ask him.

I like to sit very quietly near his cage and sometimes he coooo’s to me.

I don’t like to move too much for fear of frightening him …

I would hate to think he thought I was a predator, I don’t think doves encounter many monkeys in “real life”

World Cup 2010 - England We’re Behind You ….

No one can accuse me and Darrell of not being 100% behind Fabio and the Boys ….. we have gathered a whole plethora of England stuff with which to festoon our humble home and Vauxhall Zefira …… no one will be in any doubt as to our allegiance …..

We have luxury toilet tissue, as Darrell has a delicate stomach when he gets nervous or excited, best to pre-empt any “emergency”…… , we also have a car aerial thingy ……..

We have balloons aplenty …… but we won’t be blowing them up until the first match for fear of jinxing anything …..

And we have a pint tea mug each, so we don’t have to keep popping to kitchen for refills, -  heaven forbid we should miss a glorious goal, whilst adding milk and a sweetener to our beverage of choice.

Our first match is against the USA on Saturday 12th June, we are having hot dogs, fried onions and red sauce at half time ….. if you are passing pop in ……. you won’t be able to miss the house!

Are There Really?

I know it says “Millions” on the tube, but I don’t think that there are millions in it really.
I tried to count them, and there are a lot …….

 ..... perhaps there are a few hundred, perhaps even a thousand, but not tens of thousands or big numbers like that. I think that they should just call them “Lots”.

Eurovision Song Contest 2010 – The Aftermath.

Just a quick catch up after the excitement of last night …. first this is what me and Darrell predicted at 9.59pm before the voting began …..

And this is our scorecard ….. we noted that if you sing a ballad, you get the wind machine thrown in for free, which is very nice if you have lovely long hair that blows about in a romantic nature.

We had a brilliant night ….. we laughed at the butterflies …. spilling a little of our Pepsi Max on the settee.

And the robot with a gigantic sparklers!

Look At My Bath Plug…..

That sounds a bit rude doesn’t it?

I can assure you that there’s nothing sordid going on, I just wanted to show you my bath plug …..

It’s in the shape of a fishes tail and looks like it’s going down the plug hole, how BRILLIANT is that?

More Eurovision Song Contest – It Just Gets Better …..

Look what you can download from the BBC Eurovision Song Contest site
 

…….Our National Flag …… woooo hooo, BRILLIANT – me and Darrell will be waving ours so hard there will be a fair breeze in our parlour!

……. Eurovision Party Recipes …….. Darrell says can we stick to our Pringles as he isn’t very keen on fish – and to be honest an excited Darrell full of Norwegian Fish Pie, with carrots and peas doesn’t bear thinking about …. so Pringles it is!

….. You can even print the lyrics off so that you can sing along, this is Finland’s entry, look at the long complicated words with lots of syllables ……. I think me and Darrell are going to be doubled up with laughter trying to join in this one …… even more reason not to serve up fish pie, carrots and peas for tea!

And finally Eurovision Eye Spy …….. I cannot tell you how excited I am now ….. I don’t know how me and Darrell will get through the next few hours before it begins!!!!

The Eurovision Song Contest – A Very Serious Business.

Guess what me and Darrell will be doing tonight? 

We have downloaded our score card from the BBC website, and have been to the Tesco Express in the village and got 4 litres of Pepsi Max, 2 tubes of original Pringles, a family bag of Maltesers and a large packet of onion rings (as part of our five a day) and we’re going to watch the Eurovision Song Contest ……… does life get any better?

 

We miss Terry Wogan greatly, but Graham Norton is growing on us. We like it when he makes “naughty” comments about the performers or their songs.

 

We are not sure about Josh’s chances ……. but we will be waving our flags and cheering him on from the comfort of our settee and praying that volcanic ash doesn’t blow over from Iceland causing interference to the satellite links etc.  That would really tee off the hosts in Oslo,  as it would our own good selves.

 

I wonder what you have to do to get to be one of those people who say “ Hello Norway, this is the United Kingdom calling, congratulations on your wonderful show tonight.  Here are the scores of the  jury here in London …………….. for Slovenia we give deux points” – How BRILLIANT would that be to do?

I will be making careful notes on all the songs and performers … on such things as hum ability, costumes, dancers, novelty extras like fire eaters or stilt walkers, and we will try to speak to each other in the accents of the countries as they take part ….. but we are not really sure what a Azerbaijan or Armenian accent sounds like, so I expect we will end up sounding very Wolverhampton with an twist of Irish and Spanish!

Anyway nous hopeons vous will be watching chez vous avec us sur votre settees tonuit!  Bonne Chance Angleterre!

World Cup Preparation.

Darrell and I went shopping to get our England shirts for the World Cup, we thought we had best do it in plenty of time as we didn’t want to be disappointed if they sold out.

Monkey Biscuits

Look what Louise, one of the Office Ladies bought me, monkey biscuits!

They taste all orangey and are shaped like monkey faces.

I hope this doesn’t make me a cannibal.

Getting My Flags Up.

The football on Monday night got me excited, the next time I see the Fabio and the England team they will actually be in South Africa …………… ENGGGGGGERRRLAND!

So I thought I would start my World Cup preparation ….. to show my support to our team.

I apologise for my slightly uneasy expression in  these pictures, as I don’t really “do” heights, but this is a small sacrifice,  when I think of all the intensive training the   ENGGGGGGERRRLAND team will be putting in during the next few weeks for the honour of the Queen and the people of England.

I am not going to festoon the whole house, that would look a bit common, just a few flags placed in strategic places will suffice ………this one is in my back garden, flying proudly from the kitchen extension.

Wall’s Viennetta – A Quandary.

There is a pub/restaurant across the road from our house that has just put up a sign offering this “meal deal”, but I am confused …..

It sounds a bargain, but what does it mean ……?
Do they serve you 2 rump steaks and a Viennetta on the same plate?

I’m not sure about the combination myself, I like rump steak and I like Viennetta, but I’m not sure about having them together.  When you put a piece of steak on your fork and then add a bit of Viennetta, surely it would melt?

I wonder what Marco Pierre White would have to say about this combination?  I think he would tap his knife a lot!

Introducing Rooney.

This is me and Rooney.  Rooney is sports mad and looks a bit of a bruiser, but he’s a real softie inside!

He has just been appointed to work for the Young Ladies PE Department promoting Sporting Activities..  He will be responsible for the “Sporting Word of The Week” – he tells me that this weeks word is “Scrum”, I thought he said “Scum” at first …… because I have seen the state the showers get in after the young ladies have used copious amounts of shower products!

Rooney will also have to book all the buses to get the various teams to their matches. He is an expert on all the  bus companies in the area and can quote all the sizes of the vehicles they have in their garages!  I have told him about the Banga bus and George, but I don’t think George would be available for duties of this nature ……. which is a pity.

I also told Rooney about me and Cyril doing the Race for Life and straight away he offered to whip us into shape.  I asked him to be gentle and then suggested that he might get himself a new pair of trainers ….. not that I am any sort of  fashionista but …….. his current ones hardly match his England kit do they?