Aren’t Reading Glasses Fantastic?

As I, erm, mature, shall I say, I have noticed my eyesight  is  not as good as it used to be, but now I have found 1.50 reading glasses …..

I have lots of pairs,

Almost a pair for every day of the week.

I can match them to my mood…..

and the most I have ever paid for a pair is £2.99 – they were really posh but I lost them on the bus

The best ones are from Primark, they even come with a very fetching matching pouch.

Rescue Mission Successful

I have been inundated with calls from people concerned about PG, the monkey fearing multiple abuse at the hands of naughty boys.

I can confirm that he is now safe - a little dehydrated, cold and shaky but he has uttered his first words - which were - "St Gertrude, where were you?"

Samaritans

I don't like to talk about it much, but I am a Samaritan in my spare time

This morning I took a very distressing call from a monkey who had been unthinkingly used as a desk mascot in a school office. It was pitiful to hear his plaintiff wails as he told me how he feared that he would be torn limb from limb by "naughty" boys who would occasionally gain access to the office where he was,

Rest assured he is now safe , receiving counselling and medication and given time ........ will be able to lead a normal life again ...... sometime soon in the near future.

Sunday Roast

 

Sundays eh? To me it means a Sunday Roast - swede, carrots, cauliflower, parsnips, cabbage, a bit of broccoli and peas, roast and mashed potatoes, a couple of Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire Puddings, a bit of stuffing and a couple of thinly sliced beef, ………..oh and gravy ........ wiped up with bread!
I also like to read  The New of the World and watch Antiques Roadshow ..... does life get any better?

Pawn Cocktail?

 

Chess is a game that needs intense concentration , patience and perseverance, the ability to analyse and deduce from a set of general principles, while making tough decisions and solve problems flexibly.
Personally, I play it the same way as I play draughts!

Was Liberace Really Gay?

 

There is nothing quite like tinkering on the ivories at the end of a long day.
Chopin, Wagner, Barry Manilow ...... ahhh the masters!
I have been blessed with the gift of music though playing with two stumpy hands has been a problem I have had to overcome.
The piano at Hoar Cross was so tempting .... I just had to bang out a quick Copacabana much to the delight of my fellow guests.

Unfortunatley My Legs Are Not Long Enough

This is a rather whimsical picture of me in the bubbling foot massage area of the water grotto. Unfortunately I was unable to experience the revitalising powers of the jets on the soles of my feet as my legs were not long enough to reach. This was a pity, but it gave me time for silent contemplation, enveloped in a soothing green light and the sound of running water.

The Plunge Pool

Here's a snap of me emerging from the "Plunge Pool", the aim of the icy waters is to de-stress and detoxify - unfortunately it just made me shiver a lot and I had to be wrapped in warm towels and sip hot chocolate for three hours afterwards.

Recharging My Batteries at Hoar Cross.

Now I have got some decent clothes including pants, I've treated myself to a couple of days at a health spa (not to be mistaken for A SPAR, which is a well known grocery type shop)

The whiff of aromatherapy oils, a pipe up my bum, a vibrating chair and the sound of Kenny G in the background will give me hopefully makeme feel a new monkey.

Hmmm, come to think of it I won't need many clothes in a Spa!

I Think I Scrub Up Pretty Well

Well what do you think?  Saturday was quite a shopping expedition but well worth it!
The picture is a bit iffy but the polo shirt is a bottle green with orange trimming (75p Oxfam) and the jeans (75p again) from Baby Blues. I think I have done my bit for Mary Queen of Shops! The shoes were from Peacocks from the "Everything £1 basket" - I don't buy second-hand shoes however, as I don't want to get veruccas and athletes foot.
I think I need a denim jacket now !
The pants which I am not showing are Calvin Klien .... from the petites range !

Easy, Like Sunday Morning.

Ahhhh Sunday morning - What more could a monkey want?A lie in with the aroma of bacon wafting up the stairs, the sound of toast being scraped and the smoke detector going off. Blessed just isn't the word.

A Cushion Would Have Been Good!.

Well, I finally managed to get into the passenger seat of the Ka Car, after (please pardon the expression) a "bunk up" from a "friend"!

As the esteemed Sir Jimmy Saville used to say - Clunk, Click Every Trip - and here I am, a great believer in travelling safely, when going to buy pants, firmly belted in.

Unfortunately, due to my lack of height, I was unable to see out of the window and with the motion of the car, this culminated in my feeling a tadge nauseous ....... making my need for a new t-shirt quite important too!!!!!!

First Climb Into The Ka Car

I went shopping today to buy me some pants! It wasn't quite as easy as it sounds as I had to get into the car first!

The Three B's.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personal hygiene is very important. I like to take a pride in my appearance and follow a strict and vigorous cleansing routine based on the three B's - Blackheads, Bogey's and Bums. Attend to these diligently and avoid embarrassment and unwanted attention from dogs!

Nice ‘Nana

 
This is me and my mate Arfur. We have been mates for about a year now. He likes dressing up in ladies clothing! I have to admit that when I first met him in his peach taffeta gown I was a little taken aback, especially as he is quite hirsute with a deep baritone voice but once you get past that, he is a great mate.

Hope This Ain't the Curse of Hello Magazine

 

It seems my friends in Didcot are quite famous. I was idly flicking through a pile of magazines in the doctors surgery (I had gone for my annual flu jab and haemorrhoid inspection) when I spied them on the cover of Hello! I quickly flicked through the pages and was most impressed with their stunning new home. There was even a picture of them in their Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen designed kitchen making Nesquik!  I still have no pants!

Settling In

Well I never! I have received an e-mail from some really charming monkeys in Didcot who have offered to share their Nesquik with me if I am ever passing. I shall indeed be accepting their kind hospitality in the very near future, perhaps taking a small gift of a tube Pringles and some Smarties to break the ice.
Today I don't seem to have done much at all, except for exploring my surrounding a little more - here I am standing next to a particularly fine radiator valve that caught my eye.
I was also thinking that I may have to go shopping because I don’t have any pants!

A Good Nights Sleep

 
I feel so blessed! I was awoken from my gloriously peaceful sleep to be greeted with a mug of hot steaming tea.

My heart leaps with joy as I survey my lovely surroundings. I can hardly believe that just two short days ago I was lost amongst millions of other items on E-bay and now here I am - a very happy monkey.

How It All Began - Milton Keynes via E-Bay to Wolverhampton

Well here I am!

These are tentative times for me, just two days ago I was just another monkey on E-bay, now I am "Mums Monkey".

I arrived in Wolverhampton from Milton Keynes in a large brown jiffy bag, snug and bijou, full of apprehension, yet feeling "blessed" in a Hello magazine type way because I know I have many adventures ahead of me.

I must rest awhile now, for I am fatigued.