Hugh And Darrell Do Shrewsbury …..

As soon as Hugh and Darrell reached Shrewsbury they decided that the best course of action was to drop off Hugh’s Louis Vuitton trunk at their hotel as it was rather heavy in a showbiz type way, and  then after they had signed in under assumed names …..because that is what Hugh usually has to do to stay one step ahead off the “paps” ……

……. they thought that they might as well avail themselves of the pleasures of the hotel’s hospitality.

“Oh Darrell zis is soooo lovely and such a vunderful treat to be being normal and I am very much liking zis cocktail, I have never sipped zee bubbly lager before no?”

……. And then, they became aware of a gentleman standing behind them …..

…… who then tapped Hugh on the shoulder, something Hugh isn’t very used ….. like the Queen he doesn’t really like being touched.

“Excuse me sir” the said gentleman said “It is, isn’t it? It is …… you?” Hugh sort of looked at the gentleman and said quietly “It might be, no?”

The gentleman continued, “I’m afraid our Receptionist recognised you when you signed in and there’s no doing with her now” who also revealed himself as the manager “I do hope you don’t mind, but we would like to make you our VIP Guest if you would accept the honour!”

“Oh, zis is very kind of you, no?  I would love to accept zee honour but I am trying to be a leettle bit incognito no ….. so we keep zis between ourselves, no? I do not wish that you have zee paps hammering on zee door all night, no?”

“I quite understand sir” the manager replied tapping his nose conspiratorially, “It is a great, great honour to have you with us and I will make sure someone comes over with some complimentary nuts to go with your drinks right away.” he then bowed and walked backwards, continuing to bow until he returned to the reception desk. 

Darrell and Hugh then continued to sip their lager drink and sighed, “How kind ……  complimentary nuts!”

Hugh And Darrell’s Adventure To Shrewsbury

Though Wolverhampton and our village have many, many pleasures Darrell decided that Hugh might also enjoy the pleasures of going a little further afield and had decided to take Hugh on a short stay to Shrewsbury.For Hugh just being responsible for his own train ticket and overnight case was totally new experience, although Darrell did have to explain tactfully that you don’t actually have to hail the train when you see it coming!

“Oh Darrell zis is sooooooo exciting, it is like a wonderful, great adventure no? And Shrewsbury, it sounds soooooo romantic!”

However, as Darrell and Hugh waited for their train and chatted ten to the dozen they both had a funny, Derek Acorah sort of feeling that they weren’t  alone and that someone was watching them

……but just couldn’t quite put their finger on it!

Hands That Do Dishes …..

Hugh is really beginning to chill and become, for him, a little “ordinary”, having not flounced for at least two days and has turned his phone off saying “Zat Simone Cowellllll can do without moi pour un few days ….., it will no hurt him no???”

And, in his new found “ordinariness” Hugh has started to relish helping out with the household chores.

His particular favourite is the washing up (without rubber gloves) ”Oh mes petits fromages de Rougefort, I feel soooooooo relaxed, my showbiz life dans Notting Hill is a million miles away no????!”

“Madonnananana, she would not believe her eyes if she could see moi now, up to my elbows in zeese romantic, bubbly bubbles and hot water,cleaning zeese pots and pans,  I think she would faint no????” 

What is he like?

Living The Normal, Every Day Life In Wolverhampton ……. Almost!

At his robust and insistent request Hugh is gradually adjusting to living the normal every day life of a Wolverhampton person, without any glitz and glamour, as opposed to the sequin encrusted showbiz life he enjoys in Notting Hill,  but he has had a couple of lapses and seems to have forgotten that he has left his “man what does”, Stephane behind dans Londres.

And though I don’t mind taking him his breakfast in bed, because in some ways it’s easier than having him dip his finger in everything while I am trying to prepare it,  I draw the line at making his bed!

So yesterday I had a little word ….. “Oh I am soooooooooo, soooooooo, sooooooo sorry, what am I like? I forget my ‘ead and my manners no???!” he cried “I promise, from zis henceforth moment I will not forget!”

I cannot deny that he did not forget, however, I strongly suspect that he did not forget to ask Nigel to lend him a hand!  Nigel seems to have developed a huge man crush on Hugh and follows him round like a little lost puppy, hanging on to his every word and gazing lovingly up at him whenever he is talking……….

……… and Hugh is taking full advantage of Nigel’s star crossed state ……. what is he like?

A Most Pleasant And Appreciated Touch ……. And Suds Akimbo!

Yesterday morning while Hugh was upstairs having a very long and relaxing Jacuzzi bath Darrell was in the kitchen, having decided to make a very special and aptly suitable comestible to go with Hugh’s morning coffee …….

…….. and Hugh was suitably touched when he came downstairs all soft skinned and pampered and smelling absolutely wonderful in a famous person type way  ……

“Oh Darrell, zis is soooooooo soooooooo sweet of you, I love zee cake but zee cake does not like zee waistband, no?  …… but, since I am on zee holidays ……. pahhhhh, I shall eat all zee cake I like!”

And what aforementioned apt cake had Darrell made for Hugh?

Well, it had to be Millionaires Shortbread didn’t it???!!!!  “Oh Darrell zis is like nectar from zee heaven!” sighed Hugh, “Never, ever, has anything so exquisite touched my lips before …..  and created by your own fair hands especially for me ……. I am very, very touched and would very much like to take zee recipe home for my man Stephane zat does for me  if you wouldn’t mind! It is just toooooo delicious” Let’s just say it was an emotional moment that involved much air kissing, followed by much nomming!

However, while all this was going on I went upstairs to check that all was well in the bathroom ….

I was greeted by quite a sight, which was certainly not as emotional as the scene downstairs!!!! It seems that Darrell had omitted to tell Hugh to be extremely sparing with his exclusive and potent toiletry products ……

…… and as such Hugh had managed to fill and then leave the said bathroom under a mountain of luxurious and pungent suds …… I chose to say nothing this time but may have to have a few quiet words before Hugh he takes another bath!!!

De Rigueur Or Not De Rigueur, That Is The Question!

Darrell has been most anxious to seek Hugh’s opinion on what is home de rigueur and what is not by taking him around his own particular Wolverhampton Italian Interior Design Emporium of choice, to mull over his dreams and aspirations to change Castle Greysquirrel’s undeniable homely ambiance into something a little more boutique and London!

However, Hugh was unexpectedly and uncharacteristically considered in his advice ……

…… being far less frou frou and as impassioned as Darrell had anticipated ….. “Oh Darrell, zee Castle Greysquirrel is tres, tres enchanteur, zere really is no need to change it mon ami……. it has very much it’s own charm zat is unique ….. and I am finding most rafraîchissant at zee moment …….

…… what may be tres en trend dans Londres may not necessarily translate so well dans la belle Wolverhampton!”

…….So, forgive me Darell if I am being a little too honest ……

……. oui, I have seen zee sparkle and glint dans your eyes when you stroke and admire it, but trust et moi,  you do not need zee faux Versace ……

….. it is so zee nouveau riche ……..

…… let us go back home and eat zee sponge and regardez your Kirsty Allsopp design manuals!”

Hugh And Darrell Do Sainsbury’s

Ever since Hugh said he was coming to stay with us he has always stressed that he wanted to do simple ordinary things, things normal people do because he was afraid that one day he would be doing do an interview and the interviewer would take him completely by surprise by throwing in a question like how much a loaf of bread or packet of cornflakes was to see how grounded he was ……. “Zees are zee questions I just don’t know!” he confided worriedly to Darrell.

So after a great deal of robust thought Darrell decided to take Hugh to the large Sainsbury’s not far from Castle Greysquirrell, which he thought was middle of the road type choice, as it was a bit more special than our village Tesco Express, but not quite as posh at Waitrose or M & S where we only shop at Christmas for special luxuries,  but he prayed that it wouldn’t be too much of a culture shock for Hugh and his Harrods's/Fortnum and Mason ways!

But Hugh took it all in his stride and was VERY impressed, saying that he might even occasionally send his man that does to the Notting Hill branch to make some considered own brand purchases ……………. he did remarked thoughtfully that perhaps the atmosphere and view were not as romantic as Notting Hill …..

……. but just being ordinary was having a very calming and soothing effect on his chakra!!!!!

Darrell then suggested that they should perhaps have a bite to eat in the restaurant, which Hugh was also very receptive to, Hugh chose, to Darrell, a very exotic sounding a brie and bacon Panini, and decided to follow suit, hoping that he would also like it ……

The lady behind the counter called the “duck” and gave them a very complicated looking gizmo which she told them to watch carefully …… when it vibrated and a red light went round and round she said that would be when their Panini of choice would be ready and they should come to the counter to collect them.

“Oooooooooo Darrell …… zis is sooooooooo terribly exciting, I can’t wait to tell Simon Cowell and Madonna all about zee romance of it all, zey will never believe me, perhaps it might start zee new trend!”

Their Panini's were duly collected, and the lady who had served them and called them “duck” looked at Hugh quizzically and then said shyly “It is ….. isn’t it?” Hugh was very,very gracious and just nodded,smiled and said “Mais oui, c’est moi!” and then signed the napkin she proffered him, asking her name and the writing “To Brenda, thank you for my Panini, love Hugh xxxx”

Darrell was rendered temporarily a star struck and found it a little hard to eat, but Hugh tucked into his Panini with gusto declaring it “A triumph” …… and almost as good, if not better than one of Gordon Ramsey’s who cooked regularly for him!!!

Hugh Is Finally Amongst Us!

Darrell was up at 5.30 this morning fussing and plumping things like someone possessed ……

 ……. which was accompanied by a constant flow of “Hugh this and Hugh that”  …… and the frequent moving of something in Hugh’s room by just a millimetre here or there …….

……. I was sorely tempted to tease Darrell by suggesting that he should do a bit of welcoming towel origami with the towels that had been laid out on Hugh’s bed ……

…….. but in the state  Darrell was in it might have tipped him over the edge!

Hugh’s train wasn’t due until 12.27pm precisely …..

……. but Darrell was on the 7.55am Banga bus for fear of being a millisecond late ……

…… which meant a very long wait and several lattes in Nando’s opposite the offices of the Wolverhampton Express and Star ….. of whom Hugh had been most insistent that they should not catch the merest whiff of his visit as it was to be regarded as a strictly a private  affair and nothing to do with his showbiz persona!

But as Darrell moved on to the station to wait for Hugh’s train he received an urgent text saying that Hugh had just heard that “The Paps” were out in force in Wolverhampton …….

 

…… so as soon as Darrell spotted him getting off the train heavily sedated disguised in dark glasses, long mac and beard there were to be no fond greetings and air kisses on the platform but a robustly swift exit and straight into a waiting taxi ,………… suffice to say Hugh and Darrell were able to hoodwink the aforementioned Paps with a precision equal to a Simon Cowell get away……..

…… and now Hugh sits at our (very famous, if we should be so bold) kitchen table.  Nigel, for the moment has been rendered incapable of any coherent conversation as  he is so overcome by having someone of a showbiz/de rigueur type nature amongst us ……… all he can do is stare up at Hugh like a lost puppy ……… Happy Days!!