Ikea Pencil Amnesty

I am not very pleased with Nigel at all  ….. and we have had words!
Unbeknownst to me, as we were going around Ikea on Saturday …………
………. Nigel was availing himself of several pencils from every pencil box he passed …….

…… and I did wonder why he rattled slightly as he headed towards the exit a bit sharpish, as I paid for our items at the self service checkout.

However, it was not until we got home and he asked if I happened to have a spare, plastic box that he could put things in ………..

………. that I found the full extent of his erm ……….. misdemeanour.
One or two pencils I wouldn’t have minded, but this was wayyyyyyyyy too many!  What on earth was he thinking of?

He said he had thought they would be very useful in the kitchen at work for ticking things off with …… as no one could ever seem to find a pencil.  A noble intention, but I told him that no doubt, his actions, though of innocent intent, would no doubt have been spotted on the CCTV.Poor Nigel, his expression was one of complete horror, picturing himself standing in the dock, before a judge passing sentence and condemning him sternly with the immortal words “Take him down”. 

“They had so many,” he said “I didn’t think they would miss a few!  I promise, promise, promise to return them all next time we go or even post them back to them! I don’t want to go to prison…..I am too young!!!!!!! ”

I told him that I doubted any harm had been done and Ikea did have a lot of said pencils but it might be wise in the future not to make a habit of helping himself to more than one ….. per visit! 

…..http://metro.co.uk/2004/07/30/have-you-got-an-ikea-pencil-585775/

So Wrong Yet So Right …..

Yesterday afternoon I decided to take Nigel to Ikea for tea ….. I needed a few things of their frozen comestibles to stock up the freezer …… and to be honest, I have also been suffering from an intense hankering for a plate of their meatballs, chips and gravy all week …… and this was a perfect excuse to indulge .

Tomato sauce and gravy should be soooooooo wrong, but on a Saturday afternoon it felt so right and though not normally one to nom quite so robustly in a public place, I couldn’t help myself ….. it hit all the right spots!

And I think it hit all Nigel’s spots too, so absorbed were we that we forgot to take any proper photos ….. what are we like?  Needless to say, we left nothing for Mr Manners …..

…….. and Nigel had to find an Ikea bed on which to recover for five minutes or so!!! Nom nom nom!!

Find Some Scissors …..

Nigel does seem to have an any uncanny and robust gift for finding unusual items laying abandoned, on the pavement, on his way to work …….

….. and yesterday morning was no exception, when he found a pair of scissors ….. find some scissors, pick them up and all day long they’ll bring you luck????????

Nigel was almost tempted to take them to put with his other found treasures, but saw they were rather rusty, which had possibly rendered them not all that lucky or useful ………. I also think that he may have envisaged my stern expression and proclamation that we really didn’t need any more rubbish amidst our portals, as he proudly showed me his latest acquisition when he came home, so he sensibly placed them out of the harms way from joggers, and cats, and perhaps the occasional hedgehog, on a nearby wall and wondered what he might find next!

Finally ….. It’s All Come Back To Me

FINALLY …… I think, I can now recall exactly what I was doing on New Years Eve with my credit card …… thanks to an envelope with a Ticketmaster logo on it, that dropped through the letter box yesterday morning ……You may remember, before the U&V (Um-Bongo and Vimto) haze fell upon us, that we had watched Queen in Concert (the group, not our very favourite Royal Family member of choice), and Darrell sighing deeply and going all whimsical, saying how much he’d love to see Queen (the group, not our aforementioned very favourite royal family member of choice), in real life, in concert …..

Well …….. when I handed the said envelope over to Darrell, it contained one ticket for him to see Queen, which I had found, with some difficulty and purchased with said credit card, enabling Darrell to put the first mahooooosive tick on his 2015 Bucket List.

Let’s just say that at first Darrell was totally stunned and very, very quiet, as he just looked and then lovingly stroked his ticket …….

…… and then it got emotional and a tiny bit snotty, so I had to remove the ticket from under Darrell and put it somewhere safe …. and dry!!

When he had recovered sufficiently, Darrell couldn’t stop saying thank you and hugging me rather moistly ……What I didn’t tell him is that I have also booked him into a hotel for the night .  It would be nice to think it might be the same hotel as Queen are staying at ……. now that would be the icing on the cake, but highly improbable I know!!

…. AND Nigel will be going too, but that would be all too much to reveal in one go!!!  So I will break that in gently in a day or two ……Happy Daze!!!!!

Some Enchanted Morning

We opened the front door this morning to be greeted by a a very thin smattering of snow ……  but layer not thick not enough to be regarded as even vaguely romantic ….

However it was enough to get Nigel excited, and hanging round the phone praying for a call from the school snow line to say that school would be closed today due to robustly treacherous conditions …… and then wondering about the possibility of building a snowman, an igloo and an ample sufficiency of  snowballs  with which to pelt Darrell!

Well ….. none of them happened!!!!  It was business as usual …..

….. but with an extra vest and pair of socks on!

Darrell, though he much embraced Nigel’s effervescent, buoyant enthusiasm,  said that he had to admit that waiting at the bus stop on a cold, snow sprinkled morning,  when you have to go to work didn’t really hold much mystic for him ……

…… though he could appreciate a snowy roof  and the ebbing remains of a wintery moon ….. but only, when push came to shove!!! Brrrrrrrrrr

Hmmm ….. A New Protector Of Our Portals …..

I think the mystery attached to my credit card being found beside my phone, on the coffee table, on New Years morning is starting to erm …… slowly unravel …. and the mists of hazily vague, half imagined memories are beginning to lift ….. as the parcel that arrived for me yesterday has proven!

So ………. I sort of remember, after a couple of Vimto and Um-Bongo cocktails, thinking that it would be rather nice to have a garden ornament  of a symbolic type nature to capture and reflect the essence that is Castle Greysqurriel ……

……thinking, along the lines of a a playful, faux squirrel,  clambering up our portcullis …… or something similar ….

….. however, I strongly suspect, that in my aforementioned hazy state, I may have keyed in a wrong number or two when entering in the item code  ….. because instead of a “frolicsome squirrel”  I seem to have ordered a rather large and imposing raven, that is far from the embodiment of all things said frolicsome!!

Now, I could return it …… but after some debate, none of which was heated, we all decided that, this fearsome creature could act as quite a deterrent to any person wishing to perpetrate our portals, “A grim guardian of grave foreboding of what may lay within!” as Nigel so succinctly put it!

So Darrell banged up a few nails …… and The Raven Of Castle Greysquirrel is now in situ ……

I just hope that I wasn’t tempted any further, in my much menched haze to order anything else of a similar type ilk …… or I may never live it down!!!

Mary Berry Eat Your Heart Out …..Top Tea Treats From The Equally Lovely Denise

We were all invited round for tea at The Equally Lovely Denise and The Ever Patient Ken’s after work yesterday, as The Equally Lovely Denise had been experimenting of a High Tea type nature and knows that Darrell has his finger in the pie of London culinary de rigueur through Hugh and that we ALL share a mutual and very keen interest in all things comestible …….. so she valued our opinion.

Let’s just say ……OMG, OMG, OMG  …….The Equally Lovely Denise had pulled out the stops and certainly knows how to wow …..making the most delectable individual fruit salads and then serving them in little sealed jars …….

Not only did they taste absolutely wonderful but they looked soooooooo cute too, for which we just had to award an unstinting and unanimous 110% on our Richter Scale of Novel Fruit Salad noms and will be something we will ourselves be serving up at Castle Greysquirrel when we entertain next.

There were also cup cakes that would put even Mary Berry to shame, and of which The Equally Lovely Denise had set aside a mahoooosive Tupperware box full for us to take home, knowing that though we would very much appreciate their extra light fluffiness and moreish whipped icing, we wouldn’t wish to appear greedy by taking, seconds,  thirds, fourths, fifths and sixths!!!!

And Nigel’s favourites? ….. It had to be The Equally Lovely Denise’s Chocolate meringues …… “OMGGGGGG….” he sighed after his unembarrassed third,  “They were just like angels kisses”, which made The Equally Lovely Denise blush profusely ……

Yes, it has to be said that The Equally Lovely Denise does make an exceedingly good cake and we very much look forward to being invited round again for tea …. anytime …. whatever we are doing, no matter how important, we will drop it!!!

Nigel’s Thank You Is Thwarted!

I came home to find Nigel sitting at the kitchen table in quite an upset state ….. he had wanted to buy Hugh and Mellors a small present as a Thank You for his lovely Birmingham weekend ….. and had decided upon the gift of socks ……..

……. but, when he got to the sock department in his shop of choice, all the socks said “one size” ….. and no where on the label or on any of the racks did it say what size “one size” was ….. so he wasn’t sure if they would be the right size for Hugh and Mellors, and was too embarrassed to ask an assistant what size “one size” was, and poor Nigel had returned home empty handed.  I tried not to smile too much, and promised Nigel that I would take him to buy some said socks after work tomorrow …. assuring him that “one size” would be perfect, and that it would be more the choice of pattern and colour that might have him musing!!!

Breakfast …… Without Hugh!

After his big night out in Birmingham, Nigel was woken up by Hugh’s driver Mellors with a most welcome cup of hot steaming tea.

Nigel couldn’t help but gaze over to Hugh’s bed, to see that Hugh was sitting very upright, clad in his enormous sunglasses and even more Mr Bump sticky plasters, feeling very, very sorry for himself  “Nigelle,” he whimpered in a very sad, showbiz type voice “I do not sink I can go down for zee breakfast zis morning, looking like zis, no? You go down and how you say, fill your boots, and I will ‘ave zee room service bring me up somesing zat I will not have to move my face to get down!”

It has to be said that it didn’t feel quite right for Nigel to leave Hugh, but there again, it would have looked most rude not to avail himself of both the excellent full English and Continental Breakfast provided ……..

…… of which Nigel gave a good account of a most ample sufficiency …….

…….. twice over …….

…… including several slices of toast, delicately daubed with our savoury spread of choice, Marmite, whose presence at breakfast, in our opinion, is always a sign of a top class hostelry !

Breakfast over, Nigel went back to his room and found Hugh somewhat resembling the invisible man, swathed in bandages preparing to leave, incognito “Oh Nigelle, vat can I say?  I am so, so, so, tres embarrassed, zis ‘as not been zee treat for you zat I ‘oped it vud be!  Can you ever forgive me darling?  I promise, I will make zis up to you, when time ‘as healed zees weeping wounds and scars ……!”,  a little over melodramatic, but zat that is Hugh!

At that, they bid their fond farewells by means of air kiss type gestures  ….. as Hugh could not bear to be touched and then Mellors escorted Nigel to New Street Station making sure he was put on the right train home, before he took Hugh back to Notting Hill, driving at a snails pace and avoiding all bumps, but resisting Hugh’s request for a police outriders!!!!

Nigel, Laughter, Indiscrete Showbiz Tales And The Queen Of All Drama Queens

Sadly, after his “Non-aggravated Nano surgery”, Hugh said that he didn’t feel quite well enough to take the Birmingham night airs with Nigel. Sunglasses and a Mr Bump plaster on each side of his temples was not a good look for the theatre, even for Hugh,  who, I have to admit can carry most things off, but, he just wasn’t his usual buoyant self, “Ahh Nigelle,  I am soooo sorry, I feel not quite right in myself, my bon viveur, it ‘as gone all poufffff and left me. I sink I ‘ave zee mal de mer, no?” So, he gave his driver Mellors the night off and let him go and see Ross Noble with Nigel … ……. with enough money for a programme and a bag of fruit pastilles each to go in with and a choc ice and orange Kia Ora for the interval.

Nigel said that he and Mellors had a really, really good time, they laughed hysterically all night, and then on the way home, Mellors had Nigel spell bound with all the famous people he had had in the back of his executive limousine before working for Hugh ….. but obviously Nigel was too discrete to divulge who …. but one, was his most favourite Loose Woman!!!!!!!

When he got back, Nigel told Hugh all about his favourite bits of the show and how Mellors was almost as funny, on the way back, as Ross Noble ……. and then laughed even more because it was funny lying in bed talking to someone who was propped up in bed with goodness know how many pillows, wearing shiny pink silk pyjamas, mahoooooosive sunglasses and even more Mr Bump plasters than he had on when Nigel left, sipping his room service Horlicks through a straw.  There are Drama Queens and Drama Queens thought Nigel, but Hugh was almost certainly Queen of them all!!!

Nigel On The Town, In Birmingham, With Or Without Hugh!

Although Hugh, who lives La Vida Showbiz in Notting Hill was originally Darrell’s best friend and mentor,  since his state visit to Wolverhampton in the summer, he has also taken Nigel very much under his wing, Nigel having developed something of a man crush on Hugh during said summer!

So yesterday, which was very fortuitously Nigel’s half day, Hugh called, out of the blue, to ask if Nigel would like to spend a little quality time with him while he was “dans Birmingham” he had tickets for a show …. and they could do “zee hanging around togezzzer, doing zee boys stuff, but in zee incognitoy way …….”

…….as Hugh was having a teensy weensy bit of work done on his ermmmmm “zzzoweels and zee petit laughter lines”  (hence the absence of any pictures of Hugh), and “zee paps” wouldn’t think to look for him in Birmingham.  He had booked a central penthouse suite and Nigel was to make himself at home, while Hugh, was out having said ermmmm nip and tuck………

However, Hugh hadn’t anticipated the discomfort he sadly found himself in upon his return to the hotel and was sadly forced to take to his bed …….

………… telling Nigel that he could avail himself of his gold plated, Platinum Card, as small recompense for Hugh not being around as had first been anticipated! And bless him, Nigel only splashed out some posh jelly beans and a packet of super hero stickers ……..

……. oh,  and a posh coffee, despite all the many glamorous temptations!

Darrell’s New Conversation Piece

Following on from yesterday, Darrell has got a new calendar on his desk too …..

……. and I have to admit, his is more of a conversation piece than my buses executive vehicle one!

His not only has information pertinent to the same date but of days of yore and not so yore  ….
…… but it also has a quote or thought for the day, that has already provided us with several moot talking points, if not debate during our tea break already.
Nigel, doesn’t seem to have a calendar in the kitchen …… and so is feeling a little left out! I think I will see if I can find him one in the sales…….