Thursday 19 May 2022

Give Up Your Blood……

Nigel said he did the most mahoooosive double take on the way back from yesterday’s school run after he noticed that a posh new sign had gone up, next to what appears is going to be the next new beauty salon in town.

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Now, as you know the little fella is very much a stranger to vanity himself, however he does know Darrell and is familiar with some of the treatments Darrell has tried ……..

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….. or consulted Tom the Scientist (Master of Chemistry)  as to whether he might have one or two spare chemical peeling substances lying around the lab, going spare, that wouldn’t be missed,  which thankfully have always been met with very a robust and resounding “Not on your flipping Nellie, Darrell!”

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So when Nigel pondered radio frequency micro needling out loud when he got home, I had to laugh, as I told him that he was already an expert on it himself, with all the pester power he puts poor Darrell under whenever he (Nigel) wants something!

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Then there was the pithy question of Mesotherapy, which Nigel was convinced was something to do with dinosaur fossils, thinking back to bedtime reading about  “The Mesozoic Era” with Young Master Bertie. However, it turns out to be, after further investigation,  “a technique that uses injections of vitamins, enzymes, hormones, and plant extracts to rejuvenate and tighten skin, as well as remove excess fat”. Now, as Darrell is an absolute needle phobic (Covid vaccinations excepted), it seems highly unlikely that he would willingly offer himself up and pay for such a treatment, no matter how concerned he was about the perceived fat in his stomach, thighs, bollards, hips, legs, arms and face, to name just a few.

Vampire Face Lift

But, in the end, it was the Vampire Face Lift that had Nigel musing the most.  Who in their right minds, even if it was Halloween, would want to come out of a salon looking like a vampire?

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However since this procedure involves, from more research, the harvesting of platelets from the patient’s own blood in order to inject them into problem skin areas, (thus the name Vampire Facelift and Dracula Therapy), it’s again unlikely that Darrell would put himself forward, just the thought of giving blood and then seeing it whizzing around a centrifugal force in order to separate his red blood cells from the platelet plasma and then having it injected back in again would have Darrell passing more than just once and then having to breath into goodness how many paper bags.

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After finding all these procedures out Nigel is now very concerned about the “and more” bit at the bottom of the sign,  can it be anymore terrifying?

Now it’s only a matter of time before Darrell passes the sign/salon himself, do we tell him now or do we let him find all out for himself?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you all signed up for a treatment they would consider a group discount?

Michele

Mr.D said...

Hmm.

Darrell has "perceived fat in his stomach, thighs, bollards, hips, legs, arms and face, to name just a few."

Bollards? A body part?

As far as I'm concerned all the beauty treatment is a load of "bollards."

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness .... I am astounded with all of these descriptions never mind the treatment. I'll just stick to you usual peel-off face mask when I remember thank you very much! JantheFan x