Can Judge Rinder Hear Our Case Please?

Yesterday morning we got a phone call pertaining to be of great import from HM Revenue and Customs.

I took it, as Darrell and Nigel listened in to hear that HMRC were filing a lawsuit against us for unpaid taxes and if we didn’t arrange to make immediate payment for said unpaid taxes, an arrest warrant would be issued forthwith and our freedom, (already severely limited due meltdown), curtailed.  Oh dear ……….

I could see Darrell visibly paling, but I had this, I gave him a reassuring wink and flicked my wrist dismissively, this was a scam…… I’ve watched YouTube.

I told them that as we had nothing better to do, due to being in meltdown, we would be more than happy to have our day in court, it would be a very welcome change of scene and asked if Judge Rinder could possibly hear our case as we absolutely LOVE him and we knew he would listen to our case with all due diligence and reach a fair verdict so there would be no need for any appeals or anything like that, we would serve our bird and then return to society much changed people ………

And ………  since we’d kept robustly to meltdown rules we hadn’t had any visitors since Christmas, a knock on the door followed by several hulking uniformed officers of the law, brandishing a “hot” warrant for our arrest could be quite romantic, so we’d have the kettle on and Hob Nobs at the ready.

I also asked about the possibility of a strip search as young Nigel might need to change his vest……. the line went quiet for while,  although I could still hear a lot of other busy “HMRC” workers in the background making similar calls …… the aforementioned police were going to have a busy day ahead of them, what with all those warrants etc ……..

…… and then the voice came back and said ……. “Very funny…. crazy people!” ……. and then put the phone down on me, the cheek! 

So, no wonderfully exciting dash in a flashing, wailing police car, our heads covered by blankets, no recorded interviews in separate rooms, no tapping code out on the cell bars to each other to keep our spirits high, no promising to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God …….

……. and, I didn’t even get to tell him that we’d never earned enough, even at the Girls School, to ever come close to paying any tax!  What am I like?