Tie Dye Or Not Tie Dye

How exciting …… Adam the Science Boffin at work asked if we had any old garments that he could tie dye and breathe new life into as part of one of his demonstrations of a intricate and complicated scientific type nature ........ this sounded like an ideal opportunity for us to add a flamboyant, one-off “essential” to our summer attire and it would have looked most rude not to plummet our wardrobes for suitable garmenture

When I got home Darrell was equally as enthusiastic and together we immediately started to robustly sort out our old shirts, in the end deciding to give Adam, the aforementioned Science Boffin, what used to be our best white shirts, the fronts of which have become heavy stained by a variety of tomato based comestibles, mainly curry and sweet and sour sauce as well as spaghetti hoops and Darrell’s current favourite Barbie Spaghetti, of which several mahooosive scoops of Vanish have failed to remove completely.

Darrell wanted to proffer his sling for the experimentation ..... however I pointed out that as he didn't have a spare sling we couldn't risk having his arm dangle precariously unfettered and thus risk any further injury whilst waiting for it to be dyed, so he relented.

I was so excited when I saw Adam the Science Boffin  the next morning that I am afraid thrust our plunder into his hands before even saying “Good Morning Adam …… here are our shirts for the dying of”

However I could see that he was already examining our shirts in a very forensic manner, formulating calculus and quadratic thesis into dye density and other such  wonderful stuff of an intelligent and  mysterious type nature that only boffins and Mr. D understand.   We shall await the results with very great impatience!

Sorry folks ..... we have only another 6 posts left before we need to take a (hopefully) short break ..... Mum has explained the reasons on FiddleFart but we are hoping to get back as soon as we can .......

Nigel Gains Gainful Employment!

Nigel’s got a job!  He decided to take the bull by it’s horns and grasp the kettle metal nettle by taking his Curriculum Vitae round to the Cook Lady in the Kitchen who already has a mahoooosive soft spot for him  mainly due to his voracious and appreciative appetite for all her dishes,be they hot or cold, sweet or savoury, he’s tried them all, liked them ALL and always goes back for seconds (and thirds!)

The Cook Lady has taken him on to monitor the stock control of the ice cream cabinet, a very fortuitous responsibility considering the extremely clement weather we are currently enjoying.

Nigel’s main responsibility is to make sure that there are enough cold comestibles for each days services, that the Space Ice Batons are all frozen solid and there are enough plastic spoons for the ice cream tubs.  As he progresses up the career ladder the Cook Lady says she may allow him to go on ice cream fact finding missions!We are so robustly and mahoooosively proud of Nigel and his initiative ….. what can we say? To quote Lord Sir Alan Sugar “Nigel, your hired!”

Oh Darrell .......

Darrell is certainly feeling better and despite his bandaged arm and sling is still managing to get up all sorts of mischief!

I was looking out of my bedroom window and at first glance everything seemed pretty normal until I took a closer look at the roof of the "Tardis" next door,  ..... and then I had to look again ......

I don't know how he did it, but we now have ducks paddling in the puddle on top of it  .....

He said that he had mused that you just don't know where the judges for the Best Kept Village will look in their endeavours to check every nook and cranny and this would certainly keep them on their toes!! He also added that the devil was in the detail....... what is he like???

Our Last Goodbye To Andy .......

Words cannot express how unbelievably sad we have felt over the past two weeks.  Each night when we have gone to bed we have all hoped that in the morning we would wake up to find it has just been a horrible dream but alas as each day goes by we know that it is true and we are our lives will never be the same again.

  

There has been so much to do and on Friday we said goodbye to Andy for the last time.  Everyone was given a job to do and we were entrusted to help with the food at Grandad Colins house afterwards.

We helped to put together a list of all of Andy's favourite foods like battenbery cake, chocolate muffins, jelly babies, marshmallows, sausage rolls and foam ice creams cones with hundreds and thousands on top.  It all looked very beautiful especially as Auntie Sarah was able to source some orange and black plates and muffin cases so there was a Wolves theme going on and we tried to feast greatly even though we didn't have much appetite.

We don't usually partake in alchofrolic beverages but on this occassion we toasted Andy's life by sharing a bottle of Blue WKD .... which was rather nice .... although it gave Darrell hiccups and made Nigel drowsy, so we felt it best to put him to bed. It was a strange day, but we were very happy to do our bit.

Thank you for all your kind wishes, thoughts and cards,  we are now back with avengence, ready to take the bit by the horse, squeeze every single bull by its horns and embrace each amazing and great day for all its worth ..........

Please Bear With Us...

Please bear with us as we take a week or so off due to our losing Andy ...... our hearts are breaking .... but he would tell us not to be silly sods and just get on with it ......

Tesco Money Saving Vouchers Akimbo

There is nothing we look forward to more than our monthly money saving vouchers from Tesco.

This month we received a voucher worth two pounds plus a whole sheet of other potential money savers.

As Darrell is off work and home all day with his sprained wrist he has been put in charge of popping over to our village Tesco Express to avail us of such bargains  (but only getting one item at a time so as not to put too much strain on his good arm)

Our item of choice on this sheet was undoubtedly the SPAM, already reduced to one pound but with a further 50p off with the voucher it’s bargaintastic!

We shall indeed feast like lords with lunchboxes packed with SPAM and Branston baps with a Mr. Kipling lemon slice for pudding and a carton of  Umbongo for liquid refreshment …

FABULOUS!

The End Of An Era …

It is with heavy heart that I have some very sad news to impart today….. it looks like our halcyon days of happy rush photocopying are being brought to a sudden and abrupt end.  We sensed something was afoot in a Derek Accorah type way but never suspected it would happen quite so soon.How I am going to break this news to Darrell I just don’t know.  Undoubtedly it will have a detrimental affect on the  recovery of his arm but I hope robustly that it doesn’t lead him to being permanently slung in his sling! He will undoubtedly need time alone in his room to gather his thoughts and muse copiously about what the future holds..... Yesterday the old photocopiers were removed and the new ones installed ….  Nigel tried valiantly to slow down the process by tying himself to the main copier, but  in the end all we could do was watch in silent tears and snotty sniffs, before Nigel had to steal himself away when the situation became too painful for him to watch.

The new machines work by using isotonic imagery, or something like that, which in lay persons terms means that they work off the power of your fingerprints, very  much in the same way as we are identified when we purchase our lunch from the kitchen.

We understand that there had been heated debate and candid interchange  as to whether the machines could cope with our lack of  fingertips and maintain the constant flow of rush photocopying.But in the end, despite robust negotiation, it was felt that our positions could no longer be justified or sustained ……. and we are now to be made obsolete.

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word. It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

A Breath of Fresh Air For Darrell

Yesterday I told Darrell that languishing in bed watching Jeremy Kyle, Bargain Hunt and Loose Women and eating hob nobs would not aid his speedy recovery and he really should try and resume a "normal and active life" .....

So he limped (????) over the road to the village public hostelry to investigate their homage to the Queen's Diamond Jubilee ...... 

Though we are not experts, it seems to be a odd confection indeed. We are very much believers of the less is more artistic movement and not over egging the creative pudding, but we think that there maybe something slightly missing (and not just the burst blue balloon!),  but who are we to judge? .... Perhaps they are planning to add more nearer the day?  Anyway the robust debate that ensued after Darrell's investigation  certainly gave him something more to focus on other than why everyone seems to dress down in baggy tracksuit bottoms and trainers when appearing on Jeremy Kyle .....

Colin Firth And His Cupcake of Choice!

As I was sitting enjoying my mid morning cupcake and coffee, betwixt rush photocopying jobs, I couldn’t help but notice how many pictures of Colin Firth the office ladies had in their individual work areas, blu tac-ed to any available wall space …….

I think it must be so WONDERFUL to be as robustly gorgeous as he and to make ladies swoon, something I would like to experience just once in my life to see how it feels!  And then I got  to musing, and wondered whether the aforementioned Mr Firth enjoys (like my good self)  the odd cupcake on set between takes …….. and if he did, what his cupcake of choice that would be??????? Hmmmmmm….. he looks like a walnut and coffee man to me!

The Patient Is Comfortable

Since yesterday’s post we have been swamped by concerned e-mails, phone calls and twitters all asking about Darrell’s condition, …..….. 

Medically, he has a rectal pulse of 84 beats per minute, a blood pressure of 120/80 and an outside body temperature of just over 38°, all considered quite normal considering his trauma.  His urine sample has  also come back as normal, however we are still awaiting the lab report on his stool sample which has only just gone off, because, to quote Darrell's exact words “I can’t do anything, the more I think about it, the harder it is to do, especially in that small pot! What if I miss??”  What is he like?

However despite his ….. erm reluctance to erm …. strain, he is in buoyant and robust mood and is managing to keep down light fluids of a Lucozade type nature and several Marmite and Dairy Lea sandwiches with pickled onion Monster Munch.

Naturally, Darrell will be off work for a while, and so I will cover for him until he is ready for a phrased return to light rush photocopying duties.  We also have a Sun £9.50 holiday to  Weymouth booked, I was going to go with Nigel, however in the light of present circumstances I shall be sacrificing letting Darrell take my place as an aid to his convalescence, and I will go on the next one.

Darrell wishes to thank you all for your concern and has asked me to tell you that he has now caught up with the Eurovision Song Contest as I had the foresight to set it to record just before our dash of mercy to A & E ...... he hasn't said a lot, only "Englebert was done!"

A Eurovision Disaster Of Unpresidented Proportions!

Last night, half an hour before Graham Norton was about to take to the airwaves and bring us The 2012 Eurovision Song Contest from Baku, our raison d’etre for so many months and the televisual highlight of our year …… disaster struck …..

….. Darrell in his growing excitement had gone a*** over *it on the newly polished floor, resulting in our first ever medical emergency ….. (and just days after we first muted our concerns over our lack medical provision, how very, very  spooky and Derek Acorah!)

Nigel was first on the scene and was at first more concerned that there were limited edition patriotic red, white and blue M & Ms strewn across the floor than Darrell's as of yet undiagnosed predicament......

...... but when Darrell didn’t move and asked Nigel in an urgent yet composed type nature to "Find Monkey and find him NOW!"  Nigel soon realised the gravity of the situation.

 

Upon my arrival I quickly ascertained that Darrell had a non fatal injury to his left arm but
required medical attention and quickly assumed command of the situation, putting together a makeshift stretcher with Nigel’s help, before sending him to boil water.

 

By this stage all thoughts of Eurovision had vanished, Darrell's well being was now paramount ...... and we knew we needed to get him to hospital immediately.

 Once I had totally immobilised Darrell .....

...... I put Nigel in charge of taking the rectal pulse in Darrell's ear as I am sure I had seen it done in a John Wayne film once, but decided against giving Darrell a bullet to bite on just in case he swallowed it, as I was also acutely aware that if surgery was needed and a nil by mouth policy applied, Darrell's inadvertent consumption of the aforementioned bullet could delay any such surgical procedure.

Andy was sent to get the car out (I didn't think we needed to call the air ambulance out) while we continued to keep Darrell calm and maintain his bodily functions.

I have to say Darrell was an excellent patient .... extremely composed  ..... and accepting of

his fate .....

..... even having the malice of forethought to remind me to take his phone with us ..... just in case .....!!

When we got to the hospital we were told immediatley that photography was not allowed ....(hence no following photos) but Darrell was quickly attended to and was, after a robust prodding, scanning, several enemas and a quick x-ray diagnosed as having a sprained wrist, which was duly bandaged and a sling applied.  We were also told that if Darrell was in any further pain a couple of paracetamol's would suffice, and that the gas and air that he had requested would certainly not needed!

And as for Eurovision???  ..... it was well and truly over by time we got home and we were too exhausted to find out if Bagpuss Englebert had triumphed for the United Kingdom nation or how Emin's interval performance had gone ..... so we don't have a clue what ensued in Baku.  There was a TV in A & E at New Cross Hospital, but it was set on Sky News .... and none of us had the bottle to ask any of the mahooosive medical team attending to Darrell if one of them could ask the receptionist to change the channel for us!!

Oh well, let's hope that the final of The Apprentice won't be as taumatic for us!!!

Just Hours To Go ......

The pre Eurovision excitement at Chateau Castle Greyskull is tangible and almost too much to bear. Our preparations have been nothing but robust and thorough …. probably more robust than even Bagpuss’s  Englebert’s in Baku.  We are resplendent in our Euro-attire thanks to Darrell .....

..... And we have locally sourced seasonal comestibles for our delectation during the evening, including some very patriotic and apt Limited Edition red, white and blue M & M’s ….. which we have now had to hid because  Nigel has worked out how to open the resealable seal and has already availed himself of half a  packet ........

....... we've also got a "nibbly" smogasbord of  pork scratchings,  marmite cashews, barbecue flavour Pringles, pickled onion Monster Munch with Vimto and Dandelion and Burdock pop as our liquid refreshment of choice.  Darrell mused upon viewing our selection that we appeared to have leant more towards the savoury rather than the sweet and wondered if this was a spooky prophetic omen ….. an omen for what, I just don’t have the faintest clue!!

We have also robustly tested Darrell’s phone, as he is planning to twitter our comments during the evening......

........ imparting our insightful and informative opinions and observations to all his followers ….. it’s just soo exciting. …… we are just hours away from the televisual highlight of our year …… Come on Bagpuss Englebert, the nation is behind you!

Oh and come on Emin ..... we are anticipating a quite wonderful interval too!