Trauma Akimbo At The Local Garden Centre

When Andy asked if anyone would like to accompany him to the local garden centre to get a couple of growbags and stuff I thought “Why not,  it may help to blow away some of my Sunday afternoon cobwebs!”

However, it wasn’t quite the pleasant Sunday saunter I had expected and goodness knows what Percy Thrower would have made of it all!  Since when did zombie gardens become on trend? I can’t remember seeing anything like this on any coverage of The Chelsea Flower Show. It was all very perplexing and something I hope Andy doesn’t plan to adopt dans le jardin chez nous, garden gnomes may be thought of as a little old fashioned, and though it might prevent our  neighbours marauding dogs from coming into our garden looking for bones and the such like  ……this is just one gardening step too far!

Wishing to move swiftly on I thought I would seek sanctuary in the pets department ….. to look at all the cute cuddly creatures ……

….. only to be greeted by some very lively snakes …. …… that seemed to follow my every move …..

…. and a Mexican tarantula that seemed to have spun even more cobwebs than were filling my by now spinning head!

…. The mice were cute but frighteningly lively,  but nothing like Nigel’s sedate mouse Brain  Brian. Thank goodness they were across the room from the said tarantula spider, because given half the chance he’d have had ‘em, whole,  I’m sure!

I was then a little alarmed to see this guinea pig apparently at liberty in the garden centre, I went to stroke it, and was immediately struck by how cold and stiff it felt, “OMG” I thought “It’s dead, and rigour mortis has set in.”  I froze on the spot, unable to move, as if struck too by the rigours of mortis, only for Andy to find me and pick it up saying “Good these, aren't they?  Brilliant what they can do with a bit of plastic these days!”  I have never been so relieved to wheel a trolley full of compost and fertilizer to the check out, I felt robustly wrung out!  Next time Andy asks for a hand I think I’ll let Darrell and Nigel volunteer, garden centres are just too traumatic for me!

A Trip To Shrewsbury

Yesterday Auntie Jan asked if I would like to accompany her on a little retail therapy in Shrewsbury, which is one of my very favourite places to go to mooch and browse.

There are some very lovely old buildings there and I like to stand on the bridge over the river and look at the romantic and picturesque cottages ...

….. and wonder what it would be like to live and work  in such lovely surroundings.

There are also some very interesting eateries there, but when Auntie Jan offered to buy me a “posh lunch”, I am afraid I declined.  Though I pride myself at trying most things (once) I am a little reluctant to try rabbit as they are such cute creatures and as my friend Sarah has one that lives indoors it seems a bit like cannibalism …. and anyway as Darrell always says when thinking about trying a different sort of meat “…… It probably taste like chicken!”

I did however accept a grand latte and a piece of Belgian Tiffin in Costa’s which Auntie Jan and I both agreed had just the right depth of chocolate on the top, nom, nom, nom!  Neither of us purchased anything on our little expedition but enjoyed the companionship greatly,  but I did remember to send our friend Hugh, who lives the showbiz dream in Notting Hill a postcard.

Collecting And Counting Sainsbury’s Active Kids Vouchers

I have been given an additional seasonal responsibility by the PE Department, namely the counting of all the Active Kids vouchers from Sainsbury’s, which makes a very pleasant change from rush photocopying and laminating. I adhere to a rigorous, fail safe counting system; I staple the single vouchers in sets of ten and then when I have ten sets I put them together with an elastic band so that I am then able to count them in hundreds. The vouchers worth five points (from the rich people) are a little trickier …. so at the moment just I staple them together in sets of twenty which makes another set of a hundred points.

It takes a lot of concentration on my part and I don’t like to be disturbed during the counting process, but with due diligence, by the end of the summer term my work will be repaid by a mahoooosive delivery of balls, sticks and hoopy things as well as some rolling pins and saucepan stuff for the Food Department  It’s all very exciting!

Eurovision 2012

As you know The Eurovision Song Contest will be our televisual watching of choice on the evening of May 26th 2012 ….  an evening of Union Flags akimbo and bangers and mash for tea ……

…… BUT we have to admit that we are slightly underwhelmed by thought of Englebert Humperdink representing us …. he is almost the same age as Granddad Colin!!!!!!! ….. We shall see, but in truth are expecting our flags to be drooping by the time the first few countries votes come in!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/

Doing Our Bit For Sport Relief ….. And Darrell Has Another Crush!!

We are always gobsmacked by the people who “find us” and our blog and then write to us …….. so imagine how excited we were when we got an e-mail from Tatei who represents Sports Relief asking us for our support to help to promote Sport Relief Monkey Challenge‏……..us!!!!!!! We are so proud!!!! 

We have tried our best and have put a link to the Sainsbury’s Sports Relief Mile 2012  in our sidebar .... plus this short film .... starring the one and only  "original" Monkey from all the tele ads, who is one of our all time heroes (after Derek Acorah)

We are not sure if we will actually take part in the Sainsbury’s Sports Relief Mile .... but Auntie Jan and Vinnie the Volunteer  will be working at The Birmingham Mile (which starts at Victoria Square) registering the runners (and riders) …. http://my.sportrelief.com/search/event/result/id/1020. 

She and Vinnie have to be there for 8 o’clock ….. which is a bit early for us to be putting our PE kits on ….. but we are still considering the prospect  robustly …. and we are not ruling it out altogether!!

……. Once Darrell, our computer wizard had sorted out all the links etc. for Tatei,  he decided to do a little research …. and found what he thinks is a picture of her on her twitter profile …….. oh good lord …… he now has another mahoooosive crush and is now considering asking Tatei if there are any openings for a qualified rush photocopier in her office!!  What is he like???!!

 @AListMonkey

Walkers What’s This Flavour

We are totally overwhelmed that so many of you have decided to join us, crisp packets akimbo on our quest to win £50,000 in the Walkers “What’s The Flavour” Contest ……

For the past twenty four hours, we have adhered to a robust preparation schedule,  we have scraped our tongues and brushed our teeth diligently and have only consumed foods of a bland type nature, to ensure that our palates are in prime condition for the challenge we face.

We shall start with Flavour No. A ….. they appear to be a normal crisp colour although they have a few black specks (which we assume is an infusion of spices as opposed to an insect infestation)

There is a definite cheesy whiff about them ….. the flavour is mild and subtle at first  ….. followed by a slight kick which we have failed to identify …… perhaps vinegar?

….. After some discussion we have surmised that they could be sour cream cheese dip flavour with chives.

Moving on to Mystery Flavour No.B …… these are quite red in colour with the smell and tang of a very powerful foreign spicy sausage. 

Nigel's primed palette also seemed to pick up on a strong tomato over/undertone …… so we are going to guess the Mystery Flavour as salami/pepperoni  and tomato with a touch of paprika.

And finally Flavour No.C ….. again we could not help but notice the slight red colouration to these crisps …..

……. but without the previous slight uncertainty of the other crisps,  we all reached the same conclusion simultaneously and immediately ……. these are definitely Balti flavour!

…… and our crisp of choice from the three we have tasted, although if we were to be so bold …… we are not really enamoured by any of them and would not go out of our way to try them again, you just cannot improve on cheese and onion or salt and vinegar …… nomtastic! We shall now get Darrell to register our guesses …… and await our cheque!!

Walkers–What’s the Flavour?

Darrell returned from the village Tesco Express yesterday in a state of flux and heavily laden by packets of Walkers crisps …. “Our refined and discernable palates could make us rich!” he said excitedly.

It seems that Walkers crisps have a new competition, they have made three new packets of crisps and we (the general public) have to guess what they are …. how mahooosively exciting is that? And if we guess the correct flavour we could win £50,000 …. which would come in very useful for us ………

Taking all this into consideration,  how rude would it look if we didn’t participate in such an exciting and challenging contest ..... but we must make haste as the closing date is 09.03.12 

We have studied the rules robustly and we know we must divest ourselves of any preconceived ideas and any subliminal messages given off by the images and colours on the packaging because these are for “inspiration only” according to the blurb.   It’s no use looking at the ingredients list either as it has also been very cunningly put together!!

We have  registered on the Walkers website so that Darrell can  submit our considered guesses when we are sure we know what the flavours are ……  And we thought that tomorrow we could meet up with all our readers at about 11.00 am to have a little nibble/taste session together …… that gives you just about enough time to get to the shops to gather the aforementioned crisps and deep cleanse your palettes!! See you tomorrow then ……. a bientot!

Nigel Embraces Fairtrade Fortnight.

It’s Fairtrade Fortnight at work and Nigel has had a robust yen to try the recipes that the young ladies have come up with using Fairtrade products, of which the best two have been made by Cook and will be on sale, in the Ref, for the next two weeks.

It was a tough decision on the first day of production for Nigel as he would have liked to have tried both Amy’s Apple Spiced Muffin and Navenna’s Easy Peesy Lemon Squeezie Slice at the same time so he could compare and contrast, but unfortunately he only had a pound left on his account.

So after much umming and errrring Nigel eventually plumped for an apple muffin

……. and the sigh from the queue of girls that had banked up behind him was tangible!

We have now made sure that Nigel’s account is well topped up because Cook is very strict and won't put anything on tick ….

…. and hopefully tomorrow the queue will move much faster because Nigel has already decided that his morning snack of choice will be the Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezie

Darrell Goes To See Billy Connolly And Develops Temporary Tourette's Syndrome

Lucy treated Darrell to tickets to see Billy Connolly in Wolverhampton  on Friday Night, he was like a bottle of fizzy pop all day.

……. but unfortunately he has now developed a rather fragrant vocabulary, and I have been forced to take robust action of an avoidance and damage limitation type nature!!!

Lucy said he NEVER stopped laughing for the entire evening  and at several junctures she had worried as to whether he would be able to catch his breathe and start breathing normally again …… but now we have got to  stop him slipping in the odd unsavoury word ….. I have told him it’s OK for Billy Connolly …….. he is a professional ……

…… but in the world of rush photocopying and laminating and in front of Nigel it is not clever and it is not funny!!!!!

What is he like???!!!!

Microwavable Popcorn

Heaven help me, Darrell and Nigel have discovered microwave popcorn and now it is their televisual snack of choice while watching amongst other programmes Coach Trip, Come Dine With Me and Time Team.

“Each box contains three packets, which each produce a mahoooosive amount of popcorn” Darrell told me … “So that’s …..  three evenings worth for 99p …… so that’s 33p a night …… so it’s all very economical!” which I think is his justification for us now having a cupboard full of the stuff!

When they are preparing their evening snackette Darrell and Nigel put their ears right up close to the microwave door (which I don’t think is an entirely safe thing to do) waiting for the last pop!

Sweet is their favourite variety at the moment …..

…….. but I am not too happy about finding “bits” on the floor in the lounge ……..

because I know the little blighters have spat them out at high velocity across the room when they have taken a whole handful of the said popcorn and have found unpopped bits in their mouths, absolutely disgusting!

Chillin’

When I want a little time to myself away from the brouhaha …

I like to go up to my room and play a little patience.

It helps to clear my head!

Good Grief!

Nigel has found a little place in the garden to muse and reflect  ….

….. and Darrell is trying his best to persuade him to wear a beard and pointy hat …..and hold a fishing rod!  How many times have I told Darrell that Nigel DOES NOT need to be encouraged??!!