Monday, 12 March 2012

Trauma Akimbo At The Local Garden Centre

Zombies at Hollybush 1
When Andy asked if anyone would like to accompany him to the local garden centre to get a couple of growbags and stuff I thought “Why not,  it may help to blow away some of my Sunday afternoon cobwebs!”
zombies at Hollybush
However, it wasn’t quite the pleasant Sunday saunter I had expected and goodness knows what Percy Thrower would have made of it all!  Since when did zombie gardens become on trend? I can’t remember seeing anything like this on any coverage of The Chelsea Flower Show. It was all very perplexing and something I hope Andy doesn’t plan to adopt dans le jardin chez nous, garden gnomes may be thought of as a little old fashioned, and though it might prevent our  neighbours marauding dogs from coming into our garden looking for bones and the such like  ……this is just one gardening step too far!
015
Wishing to move swiftly on I thought I would seek sanctuary in the pets department ….. to look at all the cute cuddly creatures ……
Hollybush Garden centre
….. only to be greeted by some very lively snakes …. …… that seemed to follow my every move …..
Hollybush Reptiles
…. and a Mexican tarantula that seemed to have spun even more cobwebs than were filling my by now spinning head!
Mice at Hollybush
…. The mice were cute but frighteningly lively,  but nothing like Nigel’s sedate mouse Brain  Brian. Thank goodness they were across the room from the said tarantula spider, because given half the chance he’d have had ‘em, whole,  I’m sure!
guniea pig at Hollybush
I was then a little alarmed to see this guinea pig apparently at liberty in the garden centre, I went to stroke it, and was immediately struck by how cold and stiff it felt, “OMG” I thought “It’s dead, and rigour mortis has set in.”  I froze on the spot, unable to move, as if struck too by the rigours of mortis, only for Andy to find me and pick it up saying “Good these, aren't they?  Brilliant what they can do with a bit of plastic these days!”  I have never been so relieved to wheel a trolley full of compost and fertilizer to the check out, I felt robustly wrung out!  Next time Andy asks for a hand I think I’ll let Darrell and Nigel volunteer, garden centres are just too traumatic for me!

5 comments:

marc said...

all those things looked horried i dont like one should go again till they bring back pansys and sweet williams and such garden things keep the dead in the grave i say big love marc

Mr.D said...

There will be lots of traumatised children if these become popular. Especially if they have red or green lights shone on them.
Sound effects would make it even worse.
Would it be "nightmares akimbo?"

Anonymous said...

Definitely trauma akimbo.....agree with Marc....prefer pansies, petunias,marigolds, tulips and any regular flowers of choice popping up from the soil! BUT NO ZOMBIES!!...NO snakes in glass tanks either! But love all types of garden accessories like pots, urns, trellises, bird baths, and fun character statues. Hope you had a nice quiet time at home to overcome those undead creatures...Dianne

Amela Jones said...

Are you going to do a follow up article? Would love to know what happens next.

Amela
northamptonshire garden centre

Anonymous said...

Those ornaments are quite popular especially for Halloween they have them in most popular fish shops