Monday, 4 January 2016

Darrell Witnesses A Crime As It Happens!

Poor Darrell came back from the village Tesco Express in quite a state yesterday afternoon …..
I couldn’t help but notice how pale he was, and immediatley sat him down at the kitchen table, with his head well down for fear he was about to faint, while Nigel made him some hot sweet tea, like he’d seen them do on Eastenders.
It has to be said that both Nigel and I were very concerned, but didn’t like to ask any questions until Darrell started to feel a little better and had composed himself.
After about five minutes of very deep breathing, followed by a few sips of Nigel’s hot tea, Darrell felt well enough to reveal to us that he had been a witness to a heinous crime at the aforementioned village Tesco Express. He said that he was just about to pick up a bag of peppers, as we were having fajitas for tea, when he became aware of a very large and scruffy male person to the side of him, and then a female of dubious character with a large shoulder bag sidle up to him (the large and scruffy male, not Darrell). Darrell was then alerted to a rustling sound and saw the male was quickly throwing packs of chicken fillets into the dubious female’s large shoulder bag, with obviously no intention to purchase!!!!!!
…… And then, before he knew it, the dubiuos female was out of the shop, but not before setting off the alarms, followed by the lumbering scruffy male.  He said it all seemed to happen in slow motion but very quickly at the same time!
Nigel was now on tenterhooks, eyes agog! Darrell said that as soon as he realised what had happened he alerted to shop assistant, bells were rung and the manager came  flying out of the back office. Darrell then went to the door to see if he could see the desperados fleeing with their ill gotten gains. He saw the female first and then saw the male, who turned round and stared at Darrell …… a fixed, criminal stare, and Darrell said that in response, he had stared back an innocent bystander, but I clocked you type stare.  He says if felt like they stared for ages, like something out of a Clint Eastwood film.
The manager thanked Darrell for his quick action and added that he thought they’d captured it all on the CTV camera.  Darrell said that he would recognise the nefariouis pair again and could give a detailed description if required. He then admitted he got a little carried away, offering to work with a police artist to create two almost life like photo fits and happy to be the key witness in an idenity parade at the police station if required …… not to mention stand up in court as a upstanding and upright citizen of the parish, to point the finger at the perpertrators and declare “J’accuse!”But coming home he had begun to feel a little wobbly, and wondered if it had really been that sensible to stare at the petty pilferer with such a puposeful and penetrating stare. What if he came after Darrell to try to silence him?  I told Darrell not to worry, we were off to Evesham the next day, and Snake Mountain would afford him an safe haven while the police did their work …….!!! 
Ahhhhhhh ……what a little hero!!!


Dianne said...

Ooooh no! Poor Darrell; what a traumatic Tesco visit!....not easy to regain your composure after such an unsettling experience......Tesco must be very grateful Darrell was on hand; his quick thinking and identification abilities are admirable! .... luckily Darrell has his family for support after this encounter with the criminal element.....wishing
Darrell a quick recovery from this Tesco trauma.....Best loving wishes...Dianne

Mr.D said...

Body off Baywatch.
Face off Crimewatch.

PharmacyMichele said...

Goodness-what a brave monkey! Going to Evesham sounds like an excellent plan to forget all the trauma of the "chicken incident ".


Die Affen said...

Poor Darrell... We once had a similar experience at Aldi in Bearwood so we know it can leave you quite shaken. Hopefully after some more tea he will feel better soon!

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness - maybe the move to Evesham and the creation of a new identity will do the trick. Life might never be the same in so many different ways. Wonder if it will feature on Crime Stoppers or perhaps shown on Crimewatch??? Darrell if you need a safe house - you know you can come and stay with me for awhile. I have a nice shed in the garden, unseen by the outside world. JantheFan x
p.s. if you do decide to come up North - let me know and I'll add Marmite to my Tesco order.