Nigel has been spending rather a lot of time studying at one of the “charity” noticeboards outside his beloved kitchen trying to make sense of what it’s all about.It seems that the young ladies are having a collection of certain unwanted items of a delicate under apparel type nature …..
….. something, I have to admit, I prefer to be cloaked in an aura feminine mystery as I have little experience of such garments and doubt if I ever will have …..
…. and so I realised that I would have to take the bull by its horns and tell Nigel a few facts of life as to what a brassiere actually was, what it does and how they manifest themselves in the lives of female ladies.
Nigel listened VERY intently as I explained, as gently as I could, that ladies and gentlemen having very different sort of lumps and bumps and how ladies needed separate items of clothing from men to gather theirs together to prevent them from going astray. Nigel was very quiet and his eyes just got bigger and bigger ….. this certainly was a mahoooosive aforementioned “awe and wonder” moment for him……
……. and then came the moment I knew would come and that I had been dreading …… Nigel, all eyes agog, asked if he could see what a real life bra looked like ……. so that he would recognise one if ever he randomly stumbled across one while going about his every day activities…..
…. I took a sharp intact of breath and led Nigel over to the collection box, where Nigel (as I suspected would happen) had a mahoooosive fit of the giggles …. tears were running down his face and he couldn’t catch his breath ……
…. which was then followed by an Ulrika ka ka ka ka moment …..…… when Nigel realised the full potential of adventure type uses for a ladies unwanted accoutrements …. like a den under his bed or a shady place under which to read his comics on a sunny day in the garden …………..
Oh Nigel, Nigel, Nigel …….. what monster have I now unintentionally unleashed? I just thank heavens to Betsy that Darrell wasn’t with us …..as more mayhem and high jinx would have certainly ensued.
…… AND NO Nigel we WILL NOT be heading off to M & S for a bra fitting for a “tent”!!!!!!