We have to be honest, none of us had ever been to a wedding before Tom and The Lovely Laura’s no longer impending nuptials on Saturday, which probably accounts for our robust and mahooosive preparatory excitement during the past year ….. so let’s just say it was everything we had ever dreamed of, but at least a hundred million times more!
It had such a profound effect on us that we were very, very remiss in our photo taking ……. and as you know, we take pictures at the drop of a (wedding) hat, but on this most momentous occasion each of us was rendered almost incapable of clicking our camera such was our bosom heaving emotion …. and to be honest, who wants to see a fairy tale unfold from behind a camera screen, we wanted to drink in every moment for real.
Darrell lost it as soon he saw the Lovely Laura walk down “the aisle” on her dad’s arm. She looked just like a princess and as Darrell tried to blow his nose as surreptitiously as he could, she looked round and winked at him “lovingly” ….. but there again, it could have been a bridal ploy to tell him to sob just a little more quietly! We didn’t know that we would be asked if we might know of any “impervious reason why they both should not be married ” ….. however, at that moment I quickly took the precaution of slapping my hand firmly over Nigel’s mouth on seeing one of his pondering looks wander across his face, and hearing him take a small intake of breath, thus not giving him a chance to open his mouth and put forward a few of his own suggestions…..!!!!!!
The ceremony was over far to quickly, but I am not too sure how much more Darrell could have taken….. so when they walked from the room to the strains of Pure Imagination from the film Willy Wonka, I told him to have one last blow and that was quite enough!!!!
Next followed champagne and posh canapés, of which we consumed a most ample sufficiency and much taking of photos, both official and unofficial …..
….. Then it was time for what we would have said was “tea” because it was served at what would have been our tea time and we are creatures of great habit. The tables looked very beautiful and we felt proud that we had been part of it, helping with all the little “accoutrements” at “Wedding Craft Club”.
The Equally Lovely Denise’s bunting looked wonderful too …… ….. and although we (and the Ever Patient Ken) knew that there was 300 metres of it ….. to be honest, it was only just enough!!!!!!
We were also very pleased to find that as we were sat at the Top Table, (each table being named after one of Tom and Laura’s favourite dinosaurs, ours being Ankylosaurus) we were served our tea first!
….. AND we didn’t even have to unfold our own napkins …. as a nice young man did it for us, even laying them on our laps, which was most posh ….. however he did suggest that he tie Nigel’s round his neck, “Just in case Young Sir should have an accident with his soup”!
The food was Nom, Nom, Nom par excellence, and we would not lower it by even making the merest suggestion as to where it might appear on our Richter Scale of Noms.
…. and we all agreed that Tom was a very fine and witty orator, which must come from his many appearances in court (giving scientific evidence NOT pleading guilty) ……. and also has the most excellent comic timing (of which we shall be asking for a few lessons and pointers when he is “off” honeymoon).
The Best Man, Ed, was very funny too, using “incriminating” photographic to support and outline his friendship with Tom from their meeting at their first interview at Durham University to the antics of his Stag Weekend etc. ….. none of which we can possibly reveal here!!
The cake cutting ceremony came next ….. with dinosaurs fashioned by The Groom himself gracing the top layer ….. yet another string to his bow …..
We have to admit being a little disappointed that they didn’t use Tom’s childhood He-Man sword to cut it ….. but we think the Lovely Laura, as her first matrimonial act, may have put a stop to any such plans Tom may have been hatching for using his aforementioned and carefully locked away He Man sword!
I thought Darrell’s blubbing may have finished for the day, but I had forgotten about the wedded couples first dance ………….. to It’s Not Perfect by Tim Minchin ……. and that set him off all over again ….
However, my suggestion to visit the Popcorn and Candy Floss stalls in the conservatory eventually hit home and eyes were finally dried once and for all.