And despite all we have said about questions being asked in Parliament etc., we are not going to hold any inquests …. point any fingers or make any wild accusations, because we are just sooooooo mahoooosively relieved to have Nigel back amongst our bosom!
It all came to pass when at about 2 o’clock yesterday afternoon, Mark, our moustachioed caretaker, placed a very long cardboard tube on Darrell’s desk (Darrell was now back at work after I gave him a good hard talking too, telling him to pull himself together or else!) …..
I digress ….. Darrell and I both assumed that the aforementioned very long cardboard tube contained posters of an educational type nature……..……however, the tube appeared to vibrate eerily in a manner that would not be unfamiliar to Derek Accorah and it also emitted a sound that could have only come from Nigel …..
…. and low and behold, after removing a humungous pile of monkey nuts and shredded paper ….…who should emerge after some very robust manoeuvring and tugging, but Nigel! “It was quite a gruesome scene…” Darrell remarked later, after he had composed himself, adding “It was very reminisent of a scene from an Alien film when a baby alien emerges struggling from a unwilling hosts body ” ….. over egging the pudding as per usual! What is he like?
But ……. our renunion was an overwhelming and poignant occassion, in a Hello Magazine type way …. ….. Nigel was back and we all felt whole again …. and then we discovered a note right at the bottom of the tube …..
We were all a little stunned when we read it … it seemed that Nigel had been part of some weird experiment, involving other monkeys, nuts and test tubes ….. but at this early homecoming and celebratory stage we were reluctant to ask Nigel too many probing questions for risking of sending him into a trauma type state should he recall anything of a very unpleasant type nature.
…. However we were heartened when Nigel quoted Ronan Keating by singing “ Na na na na na …..don’t fight it ….. life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it” …… We know we have to be patient, hopefully as the days go by, Nigel will reveal a few details of his missing days and at bath time we will be able to ascertain for ourselves (without staring too hard) whether any of his bodily parts are missing!!