Saturday, 20 October 2012

Nigel Is Returned To The Bosom Of His Family!

O yah, O yah ….. glad tidings we bring …… Nigel hath been return’ed unto us …. just as mysteriously as he hadth disappear’ed ……
Bosom of FamilyAnd despite all we have said about questions being asked in Parliament etc., we are not going to hold any inquests …. point any fingers or make any wild accusations,  because we are just sooooooo mahoooosively relieved to have Nigel back amongst our bosom!
Nigels ReturnIt all came to pass when at about 2 o’clock yesterday afternoon, Mark, our moustachioed caretaker, placed a very long cardboard tube on Darrell’s desk (Darrell was now back at work after I gave him a good hard talking too, telling him to pull himself together or else!) …..
Monkey NutsI digress ….. Darrell and I both assumed that the aforementioned very long cardboard tube contained posters of an educational type nature……..……however, the tube  appeared to vibrate eerily in a manner that would not be unfamiliar to Derek Accorah  and it also emitted a sound that could have only come from Nigel …..
Pull Monkey…. and low and behold, after removing a humungous pile of monkey nuts and shredded paper ….Nigel Monkey…who should emerge after some very robust manoeuvring and tugging, but Nigel! Return To Family“It was quite a gruesome scene…” Darrell remarked later, after he had composed himself, adding “It was very reminisent of a scene from an Alien film when a baby alien emerges struggling from a unwilling hosts body ”  ….. over egging the pudding as per usual! What is he like?
Monkey Nuts.But …….  our renunion was an overwhelming and poignant occassion, in a Hello Magazine type way …. 013….. Nigel was back and we all felt whole again …. and then we discovered a note right at the bottom of the tube …..
Test tube monkeysWe were all a little stunned when we read it … it seemed that Nigel had been part of some weird experiment, involving other monkeys, nuts and test tubes  ….. but at this early homecoming and celebratory stage we were reluctant to ask Nigel too many probing questions for risking of sending him into a trauma type state should he recall anything of a very unpleasant type nature.
Festive Nuts…. However we were heartened when Nigel quoted Ronan Keating by singing “ Na na na na na …..don’t fight it ….. life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it” …… We know we have to be patient, hopefully as the days go by, Nigel will reveal a few details of his missing days and at bath time we will be able to ascertain for ourselves (without staring too hard) whether any of his bodily parts are missing!!


Anonymous said...

Holey Moley!!!! What a story Nigel will have to tell!! What adventures and secrets will he divulge??? Huge sigh of relief and now we can all rest easy even though the questions are flowing like Niagara Falls at its most wild or lava from an active dear Nigel was part of some sort of international monkey research???!!! Is there now a microchip embedded somewhere about his dear self?? Soooo happy he is with his loving family....Relieved Dianne

marc said...

i am at a lose for words as the tears of joy have made me blind and i can not think becuase my head is filled with joy he is home our boy is back its a wounderful day big shouts of joy marc when hugh has gotten over the fact its all over and no money is to be made i am sure he will come in and be happy that the boy is home big love marc

Di said...

HOORAH!! Marcel, Hank and Marvin are packing away their Santa suits right now, the carol music sheets are carefully folded now that ransom raising is no longer required and we'll be partying in celebration instead :)

Great news!

MorningAJ said...

I'm so pleased he's back with you. I hope he's not too distressed by his strange adventure.

Anonymous said...

I've got the flags out here and the champagne is a corking.
WELCOME home Nigel
Phew, normality resumed. Hooraah!
JantheFan x

Mrs A. said...

Erm are you sure its Nigel and not a clone they have sent you back. Have you run a metal detector over him for implants!!!! Norm.

Mr.D said...

Nigel is back amongst your bosom? Ooh err missus. I am back after a holiday but not amongst anyone's bosom.