Thursday, 4 October 2012

The Case Of Our Missing Cockerel …. Part One ….

Cockgate 1We have several little “novelties” items in our office that keep us amused and bring us a little light relief when the pressure is on …. one of them being our all singing, all dancing cockerel!  However, the other day we noticed he was missing ….. and robust panic ensued ….  we searched high and low, but he couldn’t be found …..
Kidnapped Cock…… and then events took a sinister turn that filled both Darrell and I with grave concern…. so much so that we were covered from head to toe in mahoooooosive goosebumps ……..Ransom Feathers….. when we received an envelope containing cuttings from what looked like very familiar looking fluff and feathers …..
Missing Cock…… followed by a note from the “perpetrators” of what now looked like a kidnap of a most unsettling nature ….. saying that they had got our cockerel and would be in touch soon!Cock Flavour SoupA feeling of trepidation  was beginning to fill our hearts by this stage, when we realised the possible significance of the cock flavoured soup we found on our desk a couple of days before, thinking it was for us to review …… OMG!!!!
List of SuspectsWe started to draw up a list of possible suspects …. but everyone had a plausible alibi …… and these people were our friends, how could we think that one of them was guilty of holding our cockerel to ransom?
Such was the concern that one of them, The Ever Radiant and Ravishing Rebecca sought solace in penning us an ode, hoping that it would help quell our ever growing terror……..
“Taws just another Autumn day
And warnings none were seen
A dastardly crime as ever was
A cocknapper, cruel and mean.
He crept about the corridors
A-waiting and a-lurking,
He stole our little poultry friend
And ran off, cock a-jerking.
Our feathered friend, so cruelly took
His feathers sent as proof
Has the rotter strung him up?
Or made him into soup?
We may not know, we cannot tell
What pains he has to bear
We only hear his raucous call
But Mummy isn’t there!
Oh cock, oh cock, our dearest cock
No-one can feel our sufferin’.
I hope you’ve not been Chinese wokked,
Or sage and onion stuffinged.
Where is that cock, we miss him so,
His loss we feel so keen.
I hope he’s not Kentucky fried,
With coleslaw and with beans.
We’d love to stroke your head again
And kiss your beady eye
We’d like to see that comb, erect,
Goodbye, dear cock, goodbye.”
To be continued ……….


Anonymous said...

How terrible! I fear that all you can do is wait for a clue....

Di said...

Splat - that was my mouthful of tea hitting the screen here!! Whatever next - I await developments aghast, and also I'm afraid, crying with laughter at said poem.

Di xx

Anonymous said...

Well I've never been so.....never been.......never been........well I just never seen the likes! Your cock has gone? Oh my, oh my. JantheFan x

Helena said...

Oh my! How awful! I hope you get him back soon! My bear, Bob, was kidnapped once, by his Irish nephews. Once we had figured out who is was, we got him and applied tickle torture till he handed Bob over again. Poor Bob was very shaken. Mostly upset, I think, at how small the ransom they'd asked for had been. He was quite insulted.


Anonymous said...

Who would do such a dastardly thing???.....All must wait for the next move by those freaky foul very suspicious of any soup you are offered....Dianne

Mr.D said...

Call in Tom the Forensic Scientist and a SOCO!
I once kidnapped a bat from a place very close to you. I also kidnapped a Gecko because they weren't being looked after properly. Have you been doing your duty, cock-wise?

marc said...

o me o my its all very dark and scary even with the poem that was fab it does not help to make you think what is and can be soupthey left it dont look good big love marc